Thursday, June 28, 2012
The Valley
This "journey to parenthood" has been such a walk of blind faith... full of mountain top highs and deep/dark valley lows... Today we found out that Sheldine's BM missed her 3 scheduled USCIS appt and we have to request another appointment for her. It really will not stall our process at this point... it's still early enough (or so we have been told) and that there is plenty of time for her to fulfill her requirement of going to the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince and completing her part of this step.... BUT... GEEZE... we were just hoping for some good news... we do not know why she missed again and I find myself trying NOT to be upset with her. I can not even begin to imagine what her world looks like as I know very little about her. I do not know what the "home" she lives in looks like. I do not know what her at home family dynamic looks like. I do not know what her health situation is like or her financial situation is like. I can neither imagine what an emotionally rollercoaster this is for her as well.... to give up a child because you can no longer provide and care for them... I just can't imagine..... I can only assume, after seeing with my own eyes the total destruction of most of Port-au-Prince... that she has very little. We have been assured that her missing a few times is "not a big deal"... and that Maison staff will make sure she makes it to her appointment at some point... all this being said... I am lifting up this mom tonight to the Lord... I do not know her situation... but He does. I pray He will bless her with clean water to drink, food to eat, medicine if needed, a roof over her head and I pray she has Jesus in her heart. The disconnect with my children is hurting more and more... they are growing and learning.... and needing... and we are not with them... my other prayer tonight is that God would quickly build that final bridge for us to bring them home... Tonight I am in a valley... but just as much as God knows exactly where Sheldine's BM is in her life and in her heart... He knows mine too.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Chicken Pox!
On Friday we got word that Sheldine came down with the Chicken Pox... UGH! We received three pictures of her sitting on the floor covered in calamine lotion... poor poor girl! The O said that she was "doing ok, just itchy"... don't get me wrong, I appreciate the email and the photos..... BUT... that does not help this Momma's heart... I want to hold her and love her through this... how I long to be the one caring for her... I want to be the one that nursed her back to health... When she grows up, and looks back on her childhood memories... she'll remember having the chicken pox... and I won't be a part of that memory. I know God has this all planned out and His timing is perfection... but still....
This really does get harder and harder every day!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Things I've learned since trip #2 to Haiti
Back from our second trip to Haiti to spend a week with our beautiful daughters... reflecting on the new things I've learned -- comments I feel need to be made... and just stuff to get off my heavy hearted chest
1. The 2nd trip is harder than the 1st.
2. I can miss someone so badly it physically hurts
3. My capacity to love another human being goes so much deeper than I ever expected.
4. Just because you don't share the same "family blood line" does not make you family. I knew this going in.... but it's becoming more and more evident the further into this journey we get... not just our daughters... but the amazing new friends we've met... they are my family!
5. I am scared of lizards and my girls think it's funny.
6. doing laundry can make you cry... washing the girls laundry after coming home has been BRUTAL!
7. Everyone at Maison... from the kids~nannies~Miss Angie~staff... they are a family!!!
8. Sheldine loves Coke from Haiti... and Papa loves to give it to her at 8pm at night! With a chaser of M&M's... NO PAPA!
9. Neffy is the coolest kid I've ever met.
10. Kelly Chambley is AWESOME!
11. Tessa Kanz is my new BFF and her sister Grace is a talented seamstress and Ian is a sweetie pie. Their parents are pretty awesome too!
12. The families, friends & kids we spent the week with on the May Bonding Trip are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the joy, blessing and honor of meeting...
13. Traveling to Haiti is an extreme adventure... not to be entered into lightly... and I'm so proud of my Mom for braving the journey and coming out a ROCK STAR!!! Love you mom
14. My sister Tania has such a servants heart and it was amazing to see how God used her during our time in Haiti...to love on Sheldine & Neffy's "family".
15. Liz Andretta is truely gifted... Thank you my friend!
16. My Darren is head - over- heels in love with his daughters... watching him with them spark a deeper and new found love in my heart for my husband.
17. Sheldine might be a quiet and reserved little girl.. but we shall not let that fool us... she is a goof ball!!!
18. you can never have too many photo's of your kids!
19. Pepto-Bismol in the airport is EXPENSIVE!
20. Next trip to Haiti... can not come soon enough!
This Mamma is missing her girls more than she can describe... it's an ache and longing that I've never felt before... one day at a time... someday the Lord will bring this full circle for us and we will celebrate at all the wonders of His hand!
1. The 2nd trip is harder than the 1st.
2. I can miss someone so badly it physically hurts
3. My capacity to love another human being goes so much deeper than I ever expected.
4. Just because you don't share the same "family blood line" does not make you family. I knew this going in.... but it's becoming more and more evident the further into this journey we get... not just our daughters... but the amazing new friends we've met... they are my family!
5. I am scared of lizards and my girls think it's funny.
6. doing laundry can make you cry... washing the girls laundry after coming home has been BRUTAL!
7. Everyone at Maison... from the kids~nannies~Miss Angie~staff... they are a family!!!
8. Sheldine loves Coke from Haiti... and Papa loves to give it to her at 8pm at night! With a chaser of M&M's... NO PAPA!
9. Neffy is the coolest kid I've ever met.
10. Kelly Chambley is AWESOME!
11. Tessa Kanz is my new BFF and her sister Grace is a talented seamstress and Ian is a sweetie pie. Their parents are pretty awesome too!
12. The families, friends & kids we spent the week with on the May Bonding Trip are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the joy, blessing and honor of meeting...
13. Traveling to Haiti is an extreme adventure... not to be entered into lightly... and I'm so proud of my Mom for braving the journey and coming out a ROCK STAR!!! Love you mom
14. My sister Tania has such a servants heart and it was amazing to see how God used her during our time in Haiti...to love on Sheldine & Neffy's "family".
15. Liz Andretta is truely gifted... Thank you my friend!
16. My Darren is head - over- heels in love with his daughters... watching him with them spark a deeper and new found love in my heart for my husband.
17. Sheldine might be a quiet and reserved little girl.. but we shall not let that fool us... she is a goof ball!!!
18. you can never have too many photo's of your kids!
19. Pepto-Bismol in the airport is EXPENSIVE!
20. Next trip to Haiti... can not come soon enough!
This Mamma is missing her girls more than she can describe... it's an ache and longing that I've never felt before... one day at a time... someday the Lord will bring this full circle for us and we will celebrate at all the wonders of His hand!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
News from the adoption front!
We are 25 sleeps away from stepping back on a plane and flying to Haiti to see our girls and we could not be more excited. We have 6 1/2 wonderful days to play, snuggle, bond and love on our daughters! My mom, sister and our dear friend Liz are all going with us this trip and that adds a special excitment! We are in the shopping and packing process! I am loving buying new clothes for my girls to take with us... this is the most amazing gift I've ever been given~ I love being their Mom.
On April 10, 2012 our Dossier was presented and accepted into IBESR-(Haiti Social Service Dept). This step for us is HUGE and should take no more than two months, if they stay true to their word. We have many steps after this one, but it's progress at this point~ we will take what we can get! We still have no idea when we will be making that final trip to Haiti to pick up our daughters and bring them home... but we know God's timing is still perfect... so we wait!
On Sunday April 22, 2012~ Darren was given the awesome opportunity to share his testimony (our testimony) about our adoption with the congretation at the Celebration Center in Fort Fairfield. What an amazingly beautiful testimony my husband gave. I could not have been more proud of him. It was such a God thing for Darren to do this... you see, public speaking is NOT his comfort zone. This sharing of our adoption story/journey was simply direct obedience to what the Lord had placed on Darren's heart. The congretation at CC embraced us in such a special way and made us feel so welcome and supported. They prayed over us and took up a love offering- that totaled a staggering amount that still has us in awe. God does things like that though... He gives and goes beyond ......
News from Angie the missionary at Maison today... Neffy is struggling with boundaries in school and Angie is asking us to be praying for her. Sheldine is doing great in pre-k. I guess this is the beginning of worrying about our kids.... extra prayers... wanting to make things better for them... It's so hard to be so far away from her... maybe she just needs her Mamma & Pappa.
On April 10, 2012 our Dossier was presented and accepted into IBESR-(Haiti Social Service Dept). This step for us is HUGE and should take no more than two months, if they stay true to their word. We have many steps after this one, but it's progress at this point~ we will take what we can get! We still have no idea when we will be making that final trip to Haiti to pick up our daughters and bring them home... but we know God's timing is still perfect... so we wait!
On Sunday April 22, 2012~ Darren was given the awesome opportunity to share his testimony (our testimony) about our adoption with the congretation at the Celebration Center in Fort Fairfield. What an amazingly beautiful testimony my husband gave. I could not have been more proud of him. It was such a God thing for Darren to do this... you see, public speaking is NOT his comfort zone. This sharing of our adoption story/journey was simply direct obedience to what the Lord had placed on Darren's heart. The congretation at CC embraced us in such a special way and made us feel so welcome and supported. They prayed over us and took up a love offering- that totaled a staggering amount that still has us in awe. God does things like that though... He gives and goes beyond ......
News from Angie the missionary at Maison today... Neffy is struggling with boundaries in school and Angie is asking us to be praying for her. Sheldine is doing great in pre-k. I guess this is the beginning of worrying about our kids.... extra prayers... wanting to make things better for them... It's so hard to be so far away from her... maybe she just needs her Mamma & Pappa.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The Wait.....
We are about 40 day's until our next trip to see our girls... it's been almost 2 months since we've seen them... and the grief, pain, loneliness and sadness has not gotten any better... only worse...
This morning on my way to work, I was talking to God and all but begged Him to move... to show us something...to give us something... And like the good and loving Father He is, good news came through today. We received news this afternoon that have entered IBESR....(and on Grammy Joanie's Birthday!) This is a huge step in the whole process in Haiti and we are thrilled! Celebration tonight included Subway and Fox Family Chips!!! What a good feeling I have in my heart...one of hope and joy... I am rejoicing tonight that we are one step closer to bringing our daughters home!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
My Haiti Babies.....
The numbness and sadness has not gotten better... if anything, it's gotten worse... I miss my daughters so much it physically hurts... I can't wait to hug them again... HURRY UP MAY!!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
My Haiti Memories
I've not been able to really post since we've come home from Haiti late Sat. night... I never expected the emotions to be so strong and raw... and the hurt to be so severe. It's through tears that I write this new post... I miss my girls!
We left our two beautiful daughters last thursday after only having about 2 1/2 days with them.. not nearly long enough. Walking out of Maison that day was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I finally "feel" like a Mamma... and a Mamma shouldn't have to leave her kids like I had to... Praying for strength and an increased trust in God's timing... This Mamma is excited but hurting... exhausted and weepy... prayer-filled and rejoicing... trusting and longing...
The things I've learned from our trip to Haiti.
1. I love my husband more than I even knew I did.
2. My husband is a wonderful father.
3. My girls have the most beautiful chocolate skin~the sweetest personalities~are so smart and silly~can eat as much as their Pappa ... and have some spunk in them!
4. Haiti is far more devestated than I expected and the people are so amazing.
5. Those in Haiti that are believers in Jesus Christ are so beautiful and faith-filled and supportive and loving.
6. I love Rice & Beans with Creole sauce.
7. I really can drink warm water if I have to.
8. God can give you the strength to walk through anything He calls you to walk through... I would not be functioning right now without the Lord and all the prayer cover.
9. Our family, church family and friends are simply the most amazing, supportive, loving, caring, devoted and generous people ... I knew this before we left... but it's taken on a whole new meaning since returning to the states.
10. I can be scared into a state of ferverent prayer by an airline flight! Miami to Boston last Friday was AWFUL!
11. The US Embassy grounds- with uniformed and armed officers can be a bit intimidating...and Haitian Court does not look like anything I expected!
12. Maison Staff works hard on our behalf and takes great pride in hosting the families when the come in!
12. Nephtalie is silly and sassy... comical and motherly
13. Sheldine is quiet and reserved... has a silly side and the best belly laugh!!!
Highpoints of our week
1. Obviously ... meeting our girls for the first time... when we were waiting on the porch at Maison for them to come out... I looked up and these two most amazing little girls (dressed alike) walked out with Angie the missionary... I lost it... to acutally touch and hold them for the first time turned this journey from dream to reality...
2. Taking the girls back to the hotel for the 2 1/2 day's we had was overwhelming. It was great to just be a family. To do regular "Mamma/Pappa and family" things... sponge baths, breakfast, potty breaks, reading stories, nap time, play time, bed time, prayer time.... the list goes on and on...
3. Meeting the other families that were also visiting their kids that week... we have made some life long friends... more than just friends... we are family... I love how God brings people into your life...
4. Meeting Suefreun~ our body guard... He was with us wherever we went, and I never felt unsafe... '
5. Walking around the orphange and seeing how little they have and how joyfilled they are. The Nannies are amazing... the staff is amazing... and Angie is amazing... these people love our kids and take such good care of them!
6. Driving around PAP, Haiti was not a "highpoint" in the sence that you would normally call it a "highpoint"... it was heartbreaking to see how these people are living... to see how very little they have... Darren's comment while taking our driving tour of PAP was, "we have nothing to complain about"... so true... we have so much
7. Being able to facebook video chat with some friends and family while in Haiti... and having them see the girls for the first time was so fun and memorable.
8. Hearing.... "I love you Mamma".... melts my heart just to think of those sweet sweet voices... calling me Mamma... expressing their love...
9. Walking into the orphanage...before we even met the girls... having the kids point to me and say.. "Mamma Sheldine, Mamma Nephtalie".. these kids know who I am... know who my girls are... and are excited for us... that is amazing... even at a young age, they recognize the forming of families...
10. While piling in the van to head to the airport on Friday... one of the hotel workers named Christian, walked up to the open door of the van... with his hands lifted high in praise... prayed over us and for us (in Creole) for about 3 minutes... it was so beautiful... he said his "amen" and then shook each one of our hands...
11. My first attempt at "time out" with Sheldine had her laughing at me... guess we have much to work on when they get home! My silly little rebel.
I will never forget that first moment of seeing my girls walking toward me... matching outfits that the Nanny's had chosen for them... all sparkling clean and smelling so fresh and pretty... hair done just right... The nanny's take great pride in preparing your children for you... and they did a remarkable job... our girls were stunning!!!!!!
My heart aches...my arms ache... my eyes burn... I miss my girls
We left our two beautiful daughters last thursday after only having about 2 1/2 days with them.. not nearly long enough. Walking out of Maison that day was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I finally "feel" like a Mamma... and a Mamma shouldn't have to leave her kids like I had to... Praying for strength and an increased trust in God's timing... This Mamma is excited but hurting... exhausted and weepy... prayer-filled and rejoicing... trusting and longing...
The things I've learned from our trip to Haiti.
1. I love my husband more than I even knew I did.
2. My husband is a wonderful father.
3. My girls have the most beautiful chocolate skin~the sweetest personalities~are so smart and silly~can eat as much as their Pappa ... and have some spunk in them!
4. Haiti is far more devestated than I expected and the people are so amazing.
5. Those in Haiti that are believers in Jesus Christ are so beautiful and faith-filled and supportive and loving.
6. I love Rice & Beans with Creole sauce.
7. I really can drink warm water if I have to.
8. God can give you the strength to walk through anything He calls you to walk through... I would not be functioning right now without the Lord and all the prayer cover.
9. Our family, church family and friends are simply the most amazing, supportive, loving, caring, devoted and generous people ... I knew this before we left... but it's taken on a whole new meaning since returning to the states.
10. I can be scared into a state of ferverent prayer by an airline flight! Miami to Boston last Friday was AWFUL!
11. The US Embassy grounds- with uniformed and armed officers can be a bit intimidating...and Haitian Court does not look like anything I expected!
12. Maison Staff works hard on our behalf and takes great pride in hosting the families when the come in!
12. Nephtalie is silly and sassy... comical and motherly
13. Sheldine is quiet and reserved... has a silly side and the best belly laugh!!!
Highpoints of our week
1. Obviously ... meeting our girls for the first time... when we were waiting on the porch at Maison for them to come out... I looked up and these two most amazing little girls (dressed alike) walked out with Angie the missionary... I lost it... to acutally touch and hold them for the first time turned this journey from dream to reality...
2. Taking the girls back to the hotel for the 2 1/2 day's we had was overwhelming. It was great to just be a family. To do regular "Mamma/Pappa and family" things... sponge baths, breakfast, potty breaks, reading stories, nap time, play time, bed time, prayer time.... the list goes on and on...
3. Meeting the other families that were also visiting their kids that week... we have made some life long friends... more than just friends... we are family... I love how God brings people into your life...
4. Meeting Suefreun~ our body guard... He was with us wherever we went, and I never felt unsafe... '
5. Walking around the orphange and seeing how little they have and how joyfilled they are. The Nannies are amazing... the staff is amazing... and Angie is amazing... these people love our kids and take such good care of them!
6. Driving around PAP, Haiti was not a "highpoint" in the sence that you would normally call it a "highpoint"... it was heartbreaking to see how these people are living... to see how very little they have... Darren's comment while taking our driving tour of PAP was, "we have nothing to complain about"... so true... we have so much
7. Being able to facebook video chat with some friends and family while in Haiti... and having them see the girls for the first time was so fun and memorable.
8. Hearing.... "I love you Mamma".... melts my heart just to think of those sweet sweet voices... calling me Mamma... expressing their love...
9. Walking into the orphanage...before we even met the girls... having the kids point to me and say.. "Mamma Sheldine, Mamma Nephtalie".. these kids know who I am... know who my girls are... and are excited for us... that is amazing... even at a young age, they recognize the forming of families...
10. While piling in the van to head to the airport on Friday... one of the hotel workers named Christian, walked up to the open door of the van... with his hands lifted high in praise... prayed over us and for us (in Creole) for about 3 minutes... it was so beautiful... he said his "amen" and then shook each one of our hands...
11. My first attempt at "time out" with Sheldine had her laughing at me... guess we have much to work on when they get home! My silly little rebel.
I will never forget that first moment of seeing my girls walking toward me... matching outfits that the Nanny's had chosen for them... all sparkling clean and smelling so fresh and pretty... hair done just right... The nanny's take great pride in preparing your children for you... and they did a remarkable job... our girls were stunning!!!!!!
My heart aches...my arms ache... my eyes burn... I miss my girls
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)