Random thoughts as I ponder....."Gotcha Day" & "Hit our Hometown Day"
2nd anniversary has come and gone.... June 17th 2013 was our official "Gotcha Day"... and June 24th 2013 was the day we stepped off the plane in Presque Isle as a family of four....
Time sure does fly. We recently celebrated Sheldine's 8th birthday (8 YEARS OLD)... she is growing too fast for this tender Momma's heart..(8 inches in 2 years!!! That has got to be some sort of record!!).... Neffy will be 8 in less than 2 months! ..... they are blossoming and becoming more and more independent and comfortable with their surroundings... as happy as I am about that... it is bitter sweet...
As I look back over these last 2 years and how much has happened and all that the girls have adjusted to and overcome... I am proud. Proud that they are good kids... with amazing hearts... they are learning to love their home and family... they are making friends and learning what real friendship is all about. They are creating memories and even talk about things we did a year ago.. that makes my heart smile. They are learning about Jesus and what a church family is .... they are trying to understand authority and what "normal" authority in their lives means. They are learning how to love and live in a family home with a Mom & Dad... and with each other...they are learning how to communicate and interact with people on an every day basis.... Every single aspect of what they knew is different... and after 2 years... we are still transitioning and teaching and learning ... Most people assume that after 2 years these kids should have "gotten it" by now... OH HOW UNTRUE and unconceivable... these children were plucked from their home, friends, family, culture, climate, country, language, education, play ground... every single thing in their day is now different...not one thing is the same... I am so proud!!!
We have made many choices in these last 2 years that are probably hard for most of our close circle and even those not so close to understand... we still spend a lot of time at home... They call this "cacooning"... Like you would with a newborn baby... they are still adjusting to what a "normal" home is... what a "normal" family is... we are still working to instill that into their hearts and minds... we are still working on that fear in them... "will they send me back"... "do they love me"... "will they leave me"..... We are still working on bathroom habits... naughty behavior that a typical 3-4 year old would struggle with... we still work on explaining what some very basic words mean... but I am so proud!
This year they will enter 1st grade at Fort Fairfield Elementary School.... and I can't wait to see how much they learn and grow this year.... they are about 2 years behind where they should be... but they are so smart... considering all they have witnessed and learned and overcome in their short lives... I am so proud! These girls are fighters... survivors.... deep emotional feelers.... tender and tough.... I am so proud!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Utter Exhaustion
I sit here... nice hot cup of coffee and my laptop open.. the girls playing in their room being silly and funny... they are so creative!!! It is balm to my soul to listen to them play together... laughing...having fun...safe and warm... full bellies...healthy... enjoying being sisters...... I ponder.....19 months in to our new family and I have never been so tired and emotional... never been driven to the depths of frustration and anger... hurt and worry... offended and sad.... but with one snuggle from either of my sweet brown baby girls (that are growing WAY too fast)... it all melts away for just a brief moment. Thank You Jesus for those brief moments in time.
We are facing some real serious issues 19 months into this new family dynamic.
RAD-PTSD-ADD-ADHD-DEPRESSION------ labels... labels.... labels...
A very wise family doctor told me... "let's not be so concerned with the labels and just get you guys some help"... AHHHHH Fresh air to my weary soul, heart and mind. We are in fact facing all those above things ...not just for my daughters but for us too... we are all in the midst of some tough times emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally and physically..there are moments that I don't even recognize who I am...... but God has met us right were we are... with His outstretched hand ... offering His grace and mercy and wisdom. It's a long road we are walking... we don't see the light and fluffy end yet. Oh, but it will come.
We have a wonderful counselor for Neffy (and possibly Sheldine)... a very dedicated and wise family doctor... an amazing family and church... wonderful friends and we serve the most powerful and awesome God. Oh, it will come..... To those that think 19 months at home is long enough for a child to adapt to their new family and surroundings... you are so so wrong... I was so so wrong! 19 months in and we are just turning the corner from what could have been transition issues to deep rooted and heartbreaking emotional issues. This is where the real hard work begins... but the Lord tells me... "do not be afraid..." So we will press in and press on...
IF you know a family with adopted children... pray for them... pray for those kids that suffered deep pain, trauma and loss first before this new beautiful family could be formed... pray for those adoptive parents trying to "clean up the mess" the best they can and make these kids whole again...
19 months in... we are doing life in survival mode... living and parenting the best we can... loving the best we can... reaching out for support, guidance, help and love where we can... and believing God always had this as part of His plan... I am learning more and more about myself everyday. I will be flat out honest... some of those things I'm learning I do not like! I am NOT patient...I in fact have very little patience... I am NOT as mild mannered as I thought I would be... I am NOT strong ... I am flawed, weak, prideful and selfish... Thank You Lord that you won't leave me here and you forgive me ... My husband on the other hand is more than I thought he would be...in spite of his flaws and weaknesses... (let's face it, we all have them)... He loves these girls deeply and the way he laughs and plays with them blesses my heart.. He takes good care of us and I know this man is just as exhausted as I am... He is hardworking and dedicated.. He is involved and caring... He is wise even though he does not believe that he is... he guides us and prays for us... cooks for us... does the dishes and all the heavy lifting... he cleans my cat box!!!!!! He is good good man and I am a lucky and blessed woman to be called his wife. I wonder if he knows this is how I feel?... I should tell him huh?.. or maybe he'll read this blog post and know ....
We are facing some real serious issues 19 months into this new family dynamic.
RAD-PTSD-ADD-ADHD-DEPRESSION------ labels... labels.... labels...
A very wise family doctor told me... "let's not be so concerned with the labels and just get you guys some help"... AHHHHH Fresh air to my weary soul, heart and mind. We are in fact facing all those above things ...not just for my daughters but for us too... we are all in the midst of some tough times emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally and physically..there are moments that I don't even recognize who I am...... but God has met us right were we are... with His outstretched hand ... offering His grace and mercy and wisdom. It's a long road we are walking... we don't see the light and fluffy end yet. Oh, but it will come.
We have a wonderful counselor for Neffy (and possibly Sheldine)... a very dedicated and wise family doctor... an amazing family and church... wonderful friends and we serve the most powerful and awesome God. Oh, it will come..... To those that think 19 months at home is long enough for a child to adapt to their new family and surroundings... you are so so wrong... I was so so wrong! 19 months in and we are just turning the corner from what could have been transition issues to deep rooted and heartbreaking emotional issues. This is where the real hard work begins... but the Lord tells me... "do not be afraid..." So we will press in and press on...
IF you know a family with adopted children... pray for them... pray for those kids that suffered deep pain, trauma and loss first before this new beautiful family could be formed... pray for those adoptive parents trying to "clean up the mess" the best they can and make these kids whole again...
19 months in... we are doing life in survival mode... living and parenting the best we can... loving the best we can... reaching out for support, guidance, help and love where we can... and believing God always had this as part of His plan... I am learning more and more about myself everyday. I will be flat out honest... some of those things I'm learning I do not like! I am NOT patient...I in fact have very little patience... I am NOT as mild mannered as I thought I would be... I am NOT strong ... I am flawed, weak, prideful and selfish... Thank You Lord that you won't leave me here and you forgive me ... My husband on the other hand is more than I thought he would be...in spite of his flaws and weaknesses... (let's face it, we all have them)... He loves these girls deeply and the way he laughs and plays with them blesses my heart.. He takes good care of us and I know this man is just as exhausted as I am... He is hardworking and dedicated.. He is involved and caring... He is wise even though he does not believe that he is... he guides us and prays for us... cooks for us... does the dishes and all the heavy lifting... he cleans my cat box!!!!!! He is good good man and I am a lucky and blessed woman to be called his wife. I wonder if he knows this is how I feel?... I should tell him huh?.. or maybe he'll read this blog post and know ....
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Mommy Blogger Fail
OK... How can it be that I have not blogged since MAY!
Could it be we are just barely getting by... by the skin of our teeth? (never did understand that saying)... Could it be we are STILL in survival mode?... Could it be that by the time the girls go to bed each night at 7:25 ... that we too drop into bed fully exhausted ?? Maybe it's because we are running on empty most day's.... SURE! Could it be that we are in our 40's ... parenting two very active 7 year old girls ....YUP... we are TIRED... my blog suffers! Our day's are full of discipline... sassy talk... tears... barbies... stuffed animals... Nick Jr...... discipline... discipline... and more discipline... the structure and boundaries we still need to enforce are exhausting!
To my very minimal circle of followers (of which I am eternally grateful for your following)... I am sorry!
Our girls have been home for almost a year and 5 months! Geesh! I vividly remember our first trip to Haiti to meet the girls... and now they are home... crazy!
There are times that we are all sitting down to dinner together, and I look at them and tears fill my sleepy eyes because I am still in awe over the fact they are here with us. Still... it amazes me still.... God is good!
Sheldine and Neffy are thriving and growing and learning so much. Neffy is so smart it astounds us... and sometimes not "smart" in a good way.. (internally laughing... externally crying)... she is smart... sassy... fierce... creative... imaginative.... high high HIGH energy... and just over all a joy to be around... but boy oh boy... is she a smarty pants... Now... Sheldine... she is a bundle of sweetness...(most day's)... she continues to keep us in stitches... she is funny without even trying... she is creative and smart... funny and loving... she is my snuggle bug... Neffy likes the concept of snuggling...but does not like to sit still long enough to snuggle.. how different they are... what a gift and miracle they are.
We are excited to share our 2nd Christmas Season together as a family and continue to secure our foundation of family with the girls... continue to grow and deepen our bonds and our family traditions... oh how I love the holidays!
God is good!
Could it be we are just barely getting by... by the skin of our teeth? (never did understand that saying)... Could it be we are STILL in survival mode?... Could it be that by the time the girls go to bed each night at 7:25 ... that we too drop into bed fully exhausted ?? Maybe it's because we are running on empty most day's.... SURE! Could it be that we are in our 40's ... parenting two very active 7 year old girls ....YUP... we are TIRED... my blog suffers! Our day's are full of discipline... sassy talk... tears... barbies... stuffed animals... Nick Jr...... discipline... discipline... and more discipline... the structure and boundaries we still need to enforce are exhausting!
To my very minimal circle of followers (of which I am eternally grateful for your following)... I am sorry!
Our girls have been home for almost a year and 5 months! Geesh! I vividly remember our first trip to Haiti to meet the girls... and now they are home... crazy!
There are times that we are all sitting down to dinner together, and I look at them and tears fill my sleepy eyes because I am still in awe over the fact they are here with us. Still... it amazes me still.... God is good!
Sheldine and Neffy are thriving and growing and learning so much. Neffy is so smart it astounds us... and sometimes not "smart" in a good way.. (internally laughing... externally crying)... she is smart... sassy... fierce... creative... imaginative.... high high HIGH energy... and just over all a joy to be around... but boy oh boy... is she a smarty pants... Now... Sheldine... she is a bundle of sweetness...(most day's)... she continues to keep us in stitches... she is funny without even trying... she is creative and smart... funny and loving... she is my snuggle bug... Neffy likes the concept of snuggling...but does not like to sit still long enough to snuggle.. how different they are... what a gift and miracle they are.
We are excited to share our 2nd Christmas Season together as a family and continue to secure our foundation of family with the girls... continue to grow and deepen our bonds and our family traditions... oh how I love the holidays!
God is good!
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Bonne Fete Maman
Today is Haitian Mothers Day (Bonne Fete Maman)... celebrated the last sunday of May in Haiti. Part of the celebration is prayer and song!
Two years ago, I had the honor and privilege and huge blessing of celebrating this holiday in Haiti with my two daughters, my mother, my sister and my dear friend Liz. What a special time. I was given presents (one was an ice cold bottle of coke!!!) and cards and we created some special memories ... but today... I ache for the birth mothers of my daughters. I wonder if they are thinking of and praying for the daughters they no longer have. If they pray for and long for the daughters they gave up or walked away from?
Adoption is amazing and such a gift... but adoption is hard and heartbreaking too.
I ache for one birth mother I never met... I have no idea what she looks like... I simply have her name on some court documents and a Haitian birth certificate. I wonder if she misses her girl? I wonder why she walked away? I have no idea where she is and if she's even alive... I pray she is... I pray she is well taken care of and happy... I pray she knows Jesus.
The other mother I met...so young and meek. Her face showing little emotion but full of beauty and poise. Her only request was to give her birth daughter an education and to never let her forget she has family in Haiti.....I wonder how she celebrates today? If at all. Is it hard for her knowing one of her young is thousands of miles away with a new family? I wonder if she regrets? I wonder if she thinks of my girl when she looks at her other child?
I wonder....the questions swirl around and around... almost on a daily basis... I wonder, but I do not judge.
I don't have any idea what it would take to push someone... a mother... to drop her baby off at an orphanage... sign that child away... and walk away...forever... What kind of situations were these two birth mothers in to do something so desperate ...so life changing... so final. I have seen the total destruction in Haiti since the earth quake... what total desperation these birth parents must feel.
We do not talk much about birth parents with the girls... we let them take the lead, and if they ask... we will share what we know. We are still in transition with them and I fear if we push them.... we'll encounter huge set-back. We walk on thin ice emotionally as we journey forward. In a perfect world.... we would have a celebration for the girls birth mothers today... we are not there yet... maybe someday... but again, in a perfect world.... they would not be mine.... Today, I am grateful for in imperfect world.... I have two beautiful amazing daughters from Haiti... I have the huge responsibility of raising them... but the incredible blessing of loving them.
To all the birth mothers out there that have had to make a decision to put aside your own wants and desires... and think of your child's needs first... bless you! I pray your heart will be comforted!
Two years ago, I had the honor and privilege and huge blessing of celebrating this holiday in Haiti with my two daughters, my mother, my sister and my dear friend Liz. What a special time. I was given presents (one was an ice cold bottle of coke!!!) and cards and we created some special memories ... but today... I ache for the birth mothers of my daughters. I wonder if they are thinking of and praying for the daughters they no longer have. If they pray for and long for the daughters they gave up or walked away from?
Adoption is amazing and such a gift... but adoption is hard and heartbreaking too.
I ache for one birth mother I never met... I have no idea what she looks like... I simply have her name on some court documents and a Haitian birth certificate. I wonder if she misses her girl? I wonder why she walked away? I have no idea where she is and if she's even alive... I pray she is... I pray she is well taken care of and happy... I pray she knows Jesus.
The other mother I met...so young and meek. Her face showing little emotion but full of beauty and poise. Her only request was to give her birth daughter an education and to never let her forget she has family in Haiti.....I wonder how she celebrates today? If at all. Is it hard for her knowing one of her young is thousands of miles away with a new family? I wonder if she regrets? I wonder if she thinks of my girl when she looks at her other child?
I wonder....the questions swirl around and around... almost on a daily basis... I wonder, but I do not judge.
I don't have any idea what it would take to push someone... a mother... to drop her baby off at an orphanage... sign that child away... and walk away...forever... What kind of situations were these two birth mothers in to do something so desperate ...so life changing... so final. I have seen the total destruction in Haiti since the earth quake... what total desperation these birth parents must feel.
We do not talk much about birth parents with the girls... we let them take the lead, and if they ask... we will share what we know. We are still in transition with them and I fear if we push them.... we'll encounter huge set-back. We walk on thin ice emotionally as we journey forward. In a perfect world.... we would have a celebration for the girls birth mothers today... we are not there yet... maybe someday... but again, in a perfect world.... they would not be mine.... Today, I am grateful for in imperfect world.... I have two beautiful amazing daughters from Haiti... I have the huge responsibility of raising them... but the incredible blessing of loving them.
To all the birth mothers out there that have had to make a decision to put aside your own wants and desires... and think of your child's needs first... bless you! I pray your heart will be comforted!
Friday, May 23, 2014
Survival
6 Months from my last post... just about... I wanted to be an avid blogging Mom... to share the story of my family... my daughters... my life...stories about adoption and about Haiti... to whomever wishes to read it.... and it's been 6 months since my last post... SURVIVAL! We are in survival mode!
The girls are doing wonderfully... I would say better than I am most day's. We are starring down the barrel of our final couple of weeks of school. We rejoice because WE MADE IT! We are hanging on by a tiny- tiny thread and holding on to the promise of the celebration of the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! We will sing... we will dance... we will eat ice cream! SUMMER IS HERE! (well, if only in theory--- what is up Mother Nature!).
Neffy has really overcome a lot of issues this first 11 months in America. We are not where we hope to be.. but we are not where we used to be. So we rejoice! Neffy is so smart and creative and has the cutest little singing voice... Americal Idol here we come!!!! She is such a good helper around the house. She loves to help!! She will do any chore around the house I ask her to (9 times out of 10 without one single complaint)... she has helped Daddy start planting our family garden's... YUP.. I said "garden's"... He is planting 2 this year! I guess I will give him the benefit of the doubt, since our family has doubled in size. Neffy loves big and hurts deep. This is painful for this Momma to go through with her.... but I am committed and in love with this little Haitian beauty... and by the amazing grace of God we will overcome! Neffy is talking more and more about the orphanage...some good... some sweet... some just general stuff and some very - incredibly hard to hear.
Sheldine is one amazingly goofy and silly child. She keeps us in stitches!!! One day when I was suffering with a migraine - she came up to me very tenderly... much concern and sympathy on her face and in her beautiful brown eyes and said... "Momma, you no smell good?"... now... before you go thinking I hadn't showered because I was down and out with a migraine... translation for that is "Momma, you no feel good?"... she is such a tenderhearted little girl. If she get's in trouble (YUP, she get's in trouble)... he will hang her head and her lip and say in her little haitian accent... "you no make me happy"... I love that kid! She loves to play with her barbie car... she will push around any toy that will fit in the front seat. We have witnessed her pushing around jewlery... her wallet... a big stuffed rabbit that barely fits... anything at all... such a hoot! She does not talk about the orphanage and does not like to talk about it. She will get very emotional saying she does not want to go back and we must reassure her... she is NOT!
My heart hurts for my daughters... but my heart rejoices that God brought us together and He is faithful to complete the good work... and we are a work in progress!
Darren is finally done plowing! Thank you Jesus! Basically with the horrible winter we had, I was a single Mom all winter. Rough? SURVIVAL! Not that this is anyway Darren's fault. He is a snow plow truck driver and it was a whooper of a winter. I have tried to do our busy family schedule with grace and a good attitude. Nope... failed that miserably! I've cried... yelled... cried... locked myself in my bedroom for a 'time out' (which upsets Neffy)... I have drank way too much diet Pepsi an coffee..Ate way too much junk food... now I need a new summer wardrobe! Thanks Double Stuff Oreos!!!!!!! I have visited my PCP which turned into being diagnosed and now being treated for Post-Adoption Depression... I have met with a sweet friend for counsel - who listens without judgement and points me to truth and to freedom..(if you are reading this.. you know who you are).... I am working... I am a work in progress... I have cried on my sisters shoulder... called her in a fit of motherly emotions -- someone had to talk me off the ledge... (thanks Tan).... I have sat with Band of Sisters group and vented...(thanks ladies)... I have had my nails done to pep me up and vented and cried with my sweet friend Brenda... ( I love you girl!)... I have a family that has come around me/us in the most amazing circle of support that anyone could even dream of... (you guys are the best!)...I have a circle of ladies that take time out of their busy lives to do lunch on Fridays... it's always EXACTLY what I need! (thanks Brenda, Jules, Mom & Tania)... I have the most amazing Mother in the entire world and do not know how this last 11 months would have been possible without her...and God love my co-workers for loving me inspite of myself!!! My in-laws are simply amazing and drop everything to do whatever we need..... (seriously... I am blessed)......
I am just trying to survive..... so where does this funk and depression come from?.. personally, the way I've been feeling... I know where it comes from... the pit of Hell! overwhelmed... emotional... battered and bruised... exhausted beyond belief... disconnected and out of touch... but ever so blessed... There are so many wonderful people that love us and pray for us and support us... my church... PIWC.. we love you all so much... CCA... a huge blessing to our family.... our inner circle and our family... SURVIVAL... that is where we have been for the last 11 months... and probably will be there for sometime to come... BUT... we have a survival kit... armed with the Lord... and our circle...
The girls are doing wonderfully... I would say better than I am most day's. We are starring down the barrel of our final couple of weeks of school. We rejoice because WE MADE IT! We are hanging on by a tiny- tiny thread and holding on to the promise of the celebration of the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! We will sing... we will dance... we will eat ice cream! SUMMER IS HERE! (well, if only in theory--- what is up Mother Nature!).
Neffy has really overcome a lot of issues this first 11 months in America. We are not where we hope to be.. but we are not where we used to be. So we rejoice! Neffy is so smart and creative and has the cutest little singing voice... Americal Idol here we come!!!! She is such a good helper around the house. She loves to help!! She will do any chore around the house I ask her to (9 times out of 10 without one single complaint)... she has helped Daddy start planting our family garden's... YUP.. I said "garden's"... He is planting 2 this year! I guess I will give him the benefit of the doubt, since our family has doubled in size. Neffy loves big and hurts deep. This is painful for this Momma to go through with her.... but I am committed and in love with this little Haitian beauty... and by the amazing grace of God we will overcome! Neffy is talking more and more about the orphanage...some good... some sweet... some just general stuff and some very - incredibly hard to hear.
Sheldine is one amazingly goofy and silly child. She keeps us in stitches!!! One day when I was suffering with a migraine - she came up to me very tenderly... much concern and sympathy on her face and in her beautiful brown eyes and said... "Momma, you no smell good?"... now... before you go thinking I hadn't showered because I was down and out with a migraine... translation for that is "Momma, you no feel good?"... she is such a tenderhearted little girl. If she get's in trouble (YUP, she get's in trouble)... he will hang her head and her lip and say in her little haitian accent... "you no make me happy"... I love that kid! She loves to play with her barbie car... she will push around any toy that will fit in the front seat. We have witnessed her pushing around jewlery... her wallet... a big stuffed rabbit that barely fits... anything at all... such a hoot! She does not talk about the orphanage and does not like to talk about it. She will get very emotional saying she does not want to go back and we must reassure her... she is NOT!
My heart hurts for my daughters... but my heart rejoices that God brought us together and He is faithful to complete the good work... and we are a work in progress!
Darren is finally done plowing! Thank you Jesus! Basically with the horrible winter we had, I was a single Mom all winter. Rough? SURVIVAL! Not that this is anyway Darren's fault. He is a snow plow truck driver and it was a whooper of a winter. I have tried to do our busy family schedule with grace and a good attitude. Nope... failed that miserably! I've cried... yelled... cried... locked myself in my bedroom for a 'time out' (which upsets Neffy)... I have drank way too much diet Pepsi an coffee..Ate way too much junk food... now I need a new summer wardrobe! Thanks Double Stuff Oreos!!!!!!! I have visited my PCP which turned into being diagnosed and now being treated for Post-Adoption Depression... I have met with a sweet friend for counsel - who listens without judgement and points me to truth and to freedom..(if you are reading this.. you know who you are).... I am working... I am a work in progress... I have cried on my sisters shoulder... called her in a fit of motherly emotions -- someone had to talk me off the ledge... (thanks Tan).... I have sat with Band of Sisters group and vented...(thanks ladies)... I have had my nails done to pep me up and vented and cried with my sweet friend Brenda... ( I love you girl!)... I have a family that has come around me/us in the most amazing circle of support that anyone could even dream of... (you guys are the best!)...I have a circle of ladies that take time out of their busy lives to do lunch on Fridays... it's always EXACTLY what I need! (thanks Brenda, Jules, Mom & Tania)... I have the most amazing Mother in the entire world and do not know how this last 11 months would have been possible without her...and God love my co-workers for loving me inspite of myself!!! My in-laws are simply amazing and drop everything to do whatever we need..... (seriously... I am blessed)......
I am just trying to survive..... so where does this funk and depression come from?.. personally, the way I've been feeling... I know where it comes from... the pit of Hell! overwhelmed... emotional... battered and bruised... exhausted beyond belief... disconnected and out of touch... but ever so blessed... There are so many wonderful people that love us and pray for us and support us... my church... PIWC.. we love you all so much... CCA... a huge blessing to our family.... our inner circle and our family... SURVIVAL... that is where we have been for the last 11 months... and probably will be there for sometime to come... BUT... we have a survival kit... armed with the Lord... and our circle...
Friday, January 10, 2014
6 1/2 Months....
WOW... have we already been home for 1/2 year?.. How did that happen? I blinked and now my daughters have been home for 6 1/2 month!!!
This blog started our telling the story of our adoption and now is the story of our lives... God is faithful! He is our ever-present help in time of need. Weather we choose to see it or not, God is present! From the moment we prayerfully made the decision to enter the adoption journey ... to working for 6 months on the mounds and mounds of required documents needed for our Dossier...to waiting for the email referral photos of our daughters to open on the computer... to sending back the acceptance email for our daughters, to our 1st trip to Haiti in Feb 2012, to meet our beautiful, spirited, fantastic, amazing, fun-loving, smart, full of life daughters... to our 2nd trip in May 2012 with my Mom, Sister and friend Liz to spend a week with our daughters.. to the long, tiring, heartbreaking wait ... from the fund-raisers, prayers, hugs, tears and wait.....and wait...and wait...... to the call with our adoption agency almost 3 years after we submitted our initial application to adopt from Haiti... telling us our girls were READY to come HOME!... booking those flights to Haiti- 2 round trip and 2 one way!!!!!
God is ever-present!
And now... "after the wait"... or as Jen Hatmaker calls it... "after the airport"... we are in the midst of the hard work! After such a LONG and EXHAUSTING journey to bring my family together... my kids are home... right where I know they were meant to be... we are the Condon Clan... God formed this family together and He is ever-present!!
We are home... it is rough... after all the build up and the wait... this side of it is HARD... we are in survival transition mode ... it's not pretty most day's and I don't think either Darren or myself has ever been this utterly exhausted...both physically and mentally. Tears, tantrums, hoarding, bed wetting, anger, frustration, grief, Post-Adoption Depression, sleepless nights, constant and unyielding discipline, time-outs, doctors apts & surgery, post-placement social worker visits, setting firm boundaries, cacooning, structure, teaching table manners-proper bathroom habits/hygiene, tears, tears and more tears... and the list could go on and on.....This is exactly what we prayed for... what our hearts longed for... what God had for us... so we will walk it out, knowing He is ever-present!
Thursday, October 24, 2013
4 months and counting.....
It has been four months and 2 day's since we arrived at Presque Isle Airport as a family of four! WOW... time flies!
The girls are doing so well, and we are still in awe that they are here and our family is complete. God is so good! He set this into motion long long ago... and He was faithful to complete the good good work. I could never look at one of my daughters faces and have one tiny speck of doubt in my heart that God is real, or that He cares about me.... What a gift !
Neffy is such a wild and crazy girl... full of life and such a free-spirit! She is bound for Drama Team I am sure of it! She loves to color and draw and is very, very smart! She is parasite free and over-all a very healthy little girl! She love to help out with anything you will let her do and LOVES to work in the garden with Popa. She has a beautiful little singing voice and when I hear her singing songs to Jesus- it's all I can do to keep from weeping.... I think that somewhere in Haiti - there is a birth family that is missing this... that grieves me- but by God's amazing design, Darren and I get to witness her growing-learning-blossoming.... I'm blessed!
Sheldine is such a sweet and gentle little girl... OH, don't get me wrong, she can get cray cray too.... but she is just softer and quieter in her spirit. She is cookey and funny! OH MY GOSH is she funny! She loves to sing and dance too... She just loves to push her barbies around the house in their little Barbie Convertible... it doesn't even have to be Barbie herself in the car... sometimes she'll put a big baby doll in the car... all hanging out the sides... and vroom vroom... around the house they go! The other day she had Grandma laughing so hard because she had her mittens talking to each other!!! Funny kid! She is parasite free and had to have only minor surgery upon arriving home and is healed very well! I am so thankful that the girls are healthy!!!
We have had our challenges, and expect we will for the rest of their lives... raising kids is the BEST and the HARDEST job right? We take it one day at a time... tap into our resources and reach out to our support circle when we need to... pray God's hand on our family and seek His face for guidance in this whole new chapter... We are tried.... overwhelmed... exhausted... but so blessed... and filled with complete and pure joy with all God has given us... He wants to give us the desires of our hearts... and for all of my adult life... being a Mother was one of the deepest desires of my heart... it's amazing!
All to the glory of my King!
I am missing Haiti & Maison (the orphanage). We spent three different weeks over there in the course of our adoption process and even though the time there was brief... you can't go and not leave a piece of yourself there... and a part of my heart remains in Haiti. Pray for Haiti...
The girls are doing so well, and we are still in awe that they are here and our family is complete. God is so good! He set this into motion long long ago... and He was faithful to complete the good good work. I could never look at one of my daughters faces and have one tiny speck of doubt in my heart that God is real, or that He cares about me.... What a gift !
Neffy is such a wild and crazy girl... full of life and such a free-spirit! She is bound for Drama Team I am sure of it! She loves to color and draw and is very, very smart! She is parasite free and over-all a very healthy little girl! She love to help out with anything you will let her do and LOVES to work in the garden with Popa. She has a beautiful little singing voice and when I hear her singing songs to Jesus- it's all I can do to keep from weeping.... I think that somewhere in Haiti - there is a birth family that is missing this... that grieves me- but by God's amazing design, Darren and I get to witness her growing-learning-blossoming.... I'm blessed!
Sheldine is such a sweet and gentle little girl... OH, don't get me wrong, she can get cray cray too.... but she is just softer and quieter in her spirit. She is cookey and funny! OH MY GOSH is she funny! She loves to sing and dance too... She just loves to push her barbies around the house in their little Barbie Convertible... it doesn't even have to be Barbie herself in the car... sometimes she'll put a big baby doll in the car... all hanging out the sides... and vroom vroom... around the house they go! The other day she had Grandma laughing so hard because she had her mittens talking to each other!!! Funny kid! She is parasite free and had to have only minor surgery upon arriving home and is healed very well! I am so thankful that the girls are healthy!!!
We have had our challenges, and expect we will for the rest of their lives... raising kids is the BEST and the HARDEST job right? We take it one day at a time... tap into our resources and reach out to our support circle when we need to... pray God's hand on our family and seek His face for guidance in this whole new chapter... We are tried.... overwhelmed... exhausted... but so blessed... and filled with complete and pure joy with all God has given us... He wants to give us the desires of our hearts... and for all of my adult life... being a Mother was one of the deepest desires of my heart... it's amazing!
All to the glory of my King!
I am missing Haiti & Maison (the orphanage). We spent three different weeks over there in the course of our adoption process and even though the time there was brief... you can't go and not leave a piece of yourself there... and a part of my heart remains in Haiti. Pray for Haiti...
Friday, August 16, 2013
8 Weeks Home....
I can not even begin to tell you how amazing my kids are....I can't believe they have been home here in America for 8 weeks... we were in the Miami airport this time 8 weeks ago awaiting our Boston flight.... so surreal still!
The things I have learned or observed in these last 8 weeks....
1. Exhaustion can bring you to tears.
2. Two kids will add triple the laundry.
3. It truly DOES take a village to raise a kid!
4. I have the most amazing friends and family in the entire world... I already knew this... but it's been a strong and constant reminder these last 8 weeks.
5. Poop can be exciting.
6. Back To School is SCARY and EXCITING all at the same time.
7. My kids are tough as nails.
8. Sheldine is one of the funniest kids I've ever met!
9. Neffy is super independent and is not wavering at bit!
10. School supplies are indeed expensive- but fun to shop for.
11. Structure/Routine and a Schedule are vital to my sanity.
12. Discipline is EXHAUSTING.
13. Did I mention anything about EXHAUSTION?
14. I might need to stop dressing my daughters alike... everyone thinks they are twins....
15. I love how excited Neffy get's when she helps Popa bring in the veggies from the garden... it's awesome!
16. I've learned to roll with the punches more... some days... it's just how it goes.
17. Neffy might be addicted to asking for medication... since Sheldine's surgery- and seeing her take Tylenol for her discomfort... she continually has something that "hurts"... GEESH!
18. I've wondered these last 8 weeks if we are on the right track with the girls... and if the bonding/attaching is happening... asked myself..."do they love me?"... well... if anyone read my face book post from this morning (8/16/13)... THEY DO!...
19. I think we are ready for a date night... we might be looking for a babysitter... any takers?
20. I CAN do all things through Christ who is my strength!
21. Nick Jr is your friend.
22. I have a low tolerance level for whinning.
23. I never expected to miss Haiti... but I do.
24. back to back surgeries - 1 Kid/1 Cat...NOT a good idea!
25. Neffy has the most amazing smile when she just let's it come naturally.
26. If you stand your ground... even if they are speaking Creole... you will still be the winner!
27. I love how Sheldine has developed her own little "goodnight kiss" routine... both cheeks/forehead/lips and chin... it takes forever... but so worth it!
28. Neffy's bedtime request... "uub me back"... has gone from 5 minutes to literally 45 seconds... and it's off to sleepytime!
29. My sister does make the best chicken pot pie in the world!
30. Having our support system of family & friends totally on board with us..... with everything to foods we allow or don't allow... to discipline... to boundaries and rules... is a priceless gift and very appreciated!
As I look back over the last 8 weeks... and ponder all that my kids have done...they are doing SO much better than we expected... all to the glory of the Lord!
The things I have learned or observed in these last 8 weeks....
1. Exhaustion can bring you to tears.
2. Two kids will add triple the laundry.
3. It truly DOES take a village to raise a kid!
4. I have the most amazing friends and family in the entire world... I already knew this... but it's been a strong and constant reminder these last 8 weeks.
5. Poop can be exciting.
6. Back To School is SCARY and EXCITING all at the same time.
7. My kids are tough as nails.
8. Sheldine is one of the funniest kids I've ever met!
9. Neffy is super independent and is not wavering at bit!
10. School supplies are indeed expensive- but fun to shop for.
11. Structure/Routine and a Schedule are vital to my sanity.
12. Discipline is EXHAUSTING.
13. Did I mention anything about EXHAUSTION?
14. I might need to stop dressing my daughters alike... everyone thinks they are twins....
15. I love how excited Neffy get's when she helps Popa bring in the veggies from the garden... it's awesome!
16. I've learned to roll with the punches more... some days... it's just how it goes.
17. Neffy might be addicted to asking for medication... since Sheldine's surgery- and seeing her take Tylenol for her discomfort... she continually has something that "hurts"... GEESH!
18. I've wondered these last 8 weeks if we are on the right track with the girls... and if the bonding/attaching is happening... asked myself..."do they love me?"... well... if anyone read my face book post from this morning (8/16/13)... THEY DO!...
19. I think we are ready for a date night... we might be looking for a babysitter... any takers?
20. I CAN do all things through Christ who is my strength!
21. Nick Jr is your friend.
22. I have a low tolerance level for whinning.
23. I never expected to miss Haiti... but I do.
24. back to back surgeries - 1 Kid/1 Cat...NOT a good idea!
25. Neffy has the most amazing smile when she just let's it come naturally.
26. If you stand your ground... even if they are speaking Creole... you will still be the winner!
27. I love how Sheldine has developed her own little "goodnight kiss" routine... both cheeks/forehead/lips and chin... it takes forever... but so worth it!
28. Neffy's bedtime request... "uub me back"... has gone from 5 minutes to literally 45 seconds... and it's off to sleepytime!
29. My sister does make the best chicken pot pie in the world!
30. Having our support system of family & friends totally on board with us..... with everything to foods we allow or don't allow... to discipline... to boundaries and rules... is a priceless gift and very appreciated!
As I look back over the last 8 weeks... and ponder all that my kids have done...they are doing SO much better than we expected... all to the glory of the Lord!
Saturday, July 6, 2013
2 Weeks at HOME
I guess I should change the title of my blog from "Journey to Parenthood"... to something like... "HOLY SMOKES... I'M TIRED"... ha ha ha....
Two weeks ago at this very moment... we had just walked through our front door with our daughters. It's still very surreal. I can't believe they are home. What an amazing journey the Lord has had us on these last three years! And to think that it finally ended up that Darren and I are actually parents.... WOW..... We knew this was the ultimate goal and was God's promise to us. But it's still so overwhelming to us that it's come full circle. It might take months for it to fully sink in for us. There are moments that I think this is a dream or the girls are here for a visit and I have to remind myself that this is real. We are a family and I have two beautiful daughters. All legal... signed... sealed... and delivered! BOY... GOD IS GOOD!
These last two weeks have been filled with tears of joy and tears of frustration. It's been beautifully difficult. Overall the girls are doing very well! We have done more in these last two weeks than we expected we would do, and the girls are adjusting fairly well. We have realized how vital and important 'cacooning' is with the girls and everyone has been so understanding and supportive! Our family and friends have really rallied around us to help us in anyway they can and we are so appreciative!! We are working on everything from table manners to boundaries and discipline. The language barrier is difficult at times, but they are doing so well with learning and are such smart girls! We are so very proud! T
I think back over these last three years of waiting and it really does just melt away when you find yourself at your "gottcha day".... ours was June 17th!!!! I know we will have challenges, we already do. But with hard work, understanding, prayer and the Lord. We will be just fine! After all... God does not make mistakes and my family was fashioned by His hand!
Two weeks ago at this very moment... we had just walked through our front door with our daughters. It's still very surreal. I can't believe they are home. What an amazing journey the Lord has had us on these last three years! And to think that it finally ended up that Darren and I are actually parents.... WOW..... We knew this was the ultimate goal and was God's promise to us. But it's still so overwhelming to us that it's come full circle. It might take months for it to fully sink in for us. There are moments that I think this is a dream or the girls are here for a visit and I have to remind myself that this is real. We are a family and I have two beautiful daughters. All legal... signed... sealed... and delivered! BOY... GOD IS GOOD!
These last two weeks have been filled with tears of joy and tears of frustration. It's been beautifully difficult. Overall the girls are doing very well! We have done more in these last two weeks than we expected we would do, and the girls are adjusting fairly well. We have realized how vital and important 'cacooning' is with the girls and everyone has been so understanding and supportive! Our family and friends have really rallied around us to help us in anyway they can and we are so appreciative!! We are working on everything from table manners to boundaries and discipline. The language barrier is difficult at times, but they are doing so well with learning and are such smart girls! We are so very proud! T
I think back over these last three years of waiting and it really does just melt away when you find yourself at your "gottcha day".... ours was June 17th!!!! I know we will have challenges, we already do. But with hard work, understanding, prayer and the Lord. We will be just fine! After all... God does not make mistakes and my family was fashioned by His hand!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
A journey about to change directions.....
After three years of waiting... of paperwork... tears...prayers...fund raisers... hugs... long talks with dear friends...crying on those same shoulders... two trips to Haiti... planning and preparing... packing and bonding... We finally see the light at the end of our tunnel... Our daughters Visa's will be applied for on June 17th at 8:00am in Port-au-Prince, Haiti... by the end of that week, they will be ready to leave to come home... We are going to bring our daughters home...
When I opened that very special email with this most amazing news... I think my blood pressure shot up to a very dangerous level...(I think it still might be there!)... my body began to go numb and my head started to tingle... my breath got shallow... OH MY GOSH... it's finally happening... after all this time... my kids are coming home! My bosses son-in-law was standing by my desk, so he was the first one to know... what a blessing to have such an amazing family to work for... what a blessing it is to have the family... group of friends... and church family ... such love and support... much celebration went on today... pure - genuine - joy and celebration was surrounding us today.....I am not sure it's fully sunk in yet.... I am overjoyed to the point of no return!!!!
We are hoping to fly out of Presque Isle on Father's Day... and arriving in Haiti the day after... we will spend a few day's in country with our girls... we need to give them time to get reacquainted with us... (we have not seen them for over a year). We will fly home that next weekend!!!!
God is good... amazing and so faithful!!! As I reflect on these last three years... I am in awe of how God was our strength...(just like He promises!)... He sustained us... (just like He promises to!). He provided all our needs... (just like He promises!). Why do we doubt... He is amazing!
When I opened that very special email with this most amazing news... I think my blood pressure shot up to a very dangerous level...(I think it still might be there!)... my body began to go numb and my head started to tingle... my breath got shallow... OH MY GOSH... it's finally happening... after all this time... my kids are coming home! My bosses son-in-law was standing by my desk, so he was the first one to know... what a blessing to have such an amazing family to work for... what a blessing it is to have the family... group of friends... and church family ... such love and support... much celebration went on today... pure - genuine - joy and celebration was surrounding us today.....I am not sure it's fully sunk in yet.... I am overjoyed to the point of no return!!!!
We are hoping to fly out of Presque Isle on Father's Day... and arriving in Haiti the day after... we will spend a few day's in country with our girls... we need to give them time to get reacquainted with us... (we have not seen them for over a year). We will fly home that next weekend!!!!
God is good... amazing and so faithful!!! As I reflect on these last three years... I am in awe of how God was our strength...(just like He promises!)... He sustained us... (just like He promises to!). He provided all our needs... (just like He promises!). Why do we doubt... He is amazing!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
52 Things Kids need from a Mom
I had purchased a book a few weeks ago... written by Angela Thomas and titled "52 Things Kids Need from a Mom"... they have one for Dad's and Darren read that about a year ago... and loved it! In light of the recent AMAZING progress in our adoption journey... and with the thought that my daughters might be home in as soon as 5 weeks (ish)... I figured it a good time to read this in-lightening book and get some good "mom advice" before my world is turned up-side-down.
Chapter 1~ To Pray in Secret with the Door Open
This chapter speaks about how we so strive to be picture perfect sometimes... and life is just not that way... our homes are turned backwards and torn apart... we are exhausted from work/school/meal time/bath time/homework time/bed time/errands/housework and then some... how do we fit in the quiet time with the Lord that we used to cherish before we had kids?... Don't we still need that?.. YES... we sure do! Even more so... to be filled by God's word and His amazing presence... to sit still and listen to His voice... Tell me - mothers out there reading... does this picture of your "devotional time" look different than it did before you had kids?... In the book the author talks about how she strived to have that same picture perfect quiet time and it just never happened... and one day... as her 4 children were sitting down to watch a video...she went into her bedroom... sat on the floor with her to read her bible for a moment... then she stretched out... facedown on the carpet and began to pray... with her bedroom door OPEN! Her children came searching for her... long story short... they asked her what she was doing and in a quite voice she simply told them she was praying.... they crawled on her...laid on top of her...sat next to her and prayed too...
Come to Me messy.
Come when you're tired.
Let the children lie on top of you.
Let them interrupt you.
You do not have to be perfect... just come to Me and let them see.
This very first chapter... I believe and hope and pray... will be imbedded into my mind and heart as I open this home to my daughters... we will be busy... full... tired... weary... excited... laughing...crying... and REAL... I pray I can be the kind of mother that let's them see....
Chapter Two~~Kids Need Their Mom... To never stop touching them
Simple... this chapter talks about affection... touching them every day... in a loving-encouraging and un-conditional-love you madly way... I want my girls to know how deeply I love them... how safe they are with us... how much we desire good things for them and want them to feel our love always...
You are home.
You are safe.
You are accepted.
You are welcomed.
You are celebrated.
NUF SAID!
Chapter 1~ To Pray in Secret with the Door Open
This chapter speaks about how we so strive to be picture perfect sometimes... and life is just not that way... our homes are turned backwards and torn apart... we are exhausted from work/school/meal time/bath time/homework time/bed time/errands/housework and then some... how do we fit in the quiet time with the Lord that we used to cherish before we had kids?... Don't we still need that?.. YES... we sure do! Even more so... to be filled by God's word and His amazing presence... to sit still and listen to His voice... Tell me - mothers out there reading... does this picture of your "devotional time" look different than it did before you had kids?... In the book the author talks about how she strived to have that same picture perfect quiet time and it just never happened... and one day... as her 4 children were sitting down to watch a video...she went into her bedroom... sat on the floor with her to read her bible for a moment... then she stretched out... facedown on the carpet and began to pray... with her bedroom door OPEN! Her children came searching for her... long story short... they asked her what she was doing and in a quite voice she simply told them she was praying.... they crawled on her...laid on top of her...sat next to her and prayed too...
Come to Me messy.
Come when you're tired.
Let the children lie on top of you.
Let them interrupt you.
You do not have to be perfect... just come to Me and let them see.
This very first chapter... I believe and hope and pray... will be imbedded into my mind and heart as I open this home to my daughters... we will be busy... full... tired... weary... excited... laughing...crying... and REAL... I pray I can be the kind of mother that let's them see....
Chapter Two~~Kids Need Their Mom... To never stop touching them
Simple... this chapter talks about affection... touching them every day... in a loving-encouraging and un-conditional-love you madly way... I want my girls to know how deeply I love them... how safe they are with us... how much we desire good things for them and want them to feel our love always...
You are home.
You are safe.
You are accepted.
You are welcomed.
You are celebrated.
NUF SAID!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
This is the moment that my heart became a "Mommy's heart"... that my world turned upside down and I fell head over heels for two little beautiful girls from Haiti that God hand-picked for me... I still find myself awestruck that God gave these girls to me... ME! I am to be their mother.... this moment in my life was the most amazing, breathtaking and beautiful moment I think I will ever experience.... I remember every detail of that moment... it's as if the world stopped and it was just Darren and I... meeting our girls...What a gift this moment in time will always be for me..... I am guessing it would be just like the moment in a hospital room when a mother gives birth and the doctor places that newborn baby in her arms... so overwhelming... so beautiful...
it's been a very long three years in this adoption journey... my heart has taken a beaten... I have tolerated more anguish than I thought I could... more tears have flowed from my eyes than I thought I even had in me... I have been prayed for...prayed over... encouraged... hugged and held by many... God has taught me more than I expected and stretched me beyond what I thought I could handle....God has revealed to me the kind of husband I have... given me a deeper appreciation for Darren and a stronger love......God has so blessed me in this waiting... today is Mothers Day... my daughters are in Haiti still and it's been a very bittersweet day... aaahhh, but I am blessed.... cards came in the mail... text message started this morning... and face book message have made me weep...I am blessed... beyond measure! God has used so many people today to remind me I'm not forgotten... I am not alone... and that I am loved!!! I think about next Mothers Day... knowing my girls will be here with me that day... and day dreaming about how that will be... (I've already put in my request with Papa... BREAKFAST IN BED!!!)
I think about all the mothers in my life... from my own Mom.. who is so loving, giving, caring and kind... who has turned from Mother to best friend... I think of my sister... my pal... my buddy... my right arm... what in the world would I do without the two of you!!! My Grandmothers--- missing them so much today... all the wisdom they shared by just being Mom's... by loving me unconditionally and speaking into my life when I needed it... All my faith-sisters... who walk in realness... humility... and honesty about their journey of motherhood--... all the aunts, friends, mothers of friends, mother-in-law, sisters-in-laws, adoptive mothers that are my new sisters...bosses, co-workers...phew... I know a lot of mothers... and I'm so grateful to have a piece of each of you to carry with me as I prepare to enter into this new journey of motherhood.... thank you! We need each other... to love, encourage, listen, share life with... I look forward to doing what you all have done for me... I look forward to pouring my motherhood journey with whomever God brings into my path....
I have also been thinking of the birth mothers...these two faceless women that gave birth to my daughters... we may never meet, but we will always be connected... my heart is heavy for them... someone looses... and someone gains... I pray they will have a life of blessings.. that they will know, deep in their hearts that their daughters are ok..... if we never meet... I pray God fills them with this knowledge...
SO... Happy Mother's Day to me... it's been a quiet, reflective day ... filled with beauty, tears, sweet and kind words and well wishes...prayers... and a turkey burger from Ruby's! Somewhere in PAP, Haiti are my sweet Sheldine & Nephtalie... Manmi (Mommy) loves you
Saturday, April 13, 2013
What have you learned?....
I was just asked this week, what our greatest lesson was that we are taking out of this adoption journey.... hummmmm... the thing that came to mind first was the lesson of patience... I would like to hope that all this waiting will help us be really patient parents to Sheldine & Neffy. And for all those parents out there, I am sure you can relate... parenting takes patience...
Another thing I've learned is how to even greater lean on the Lord... He truly is our source of everything! Without the Lord in our lives and at the center of this journey... we would have been so lost. The Lord has surrounded us with such a wonderful support system... blessed us financially and grounded us in our relationship with Him in ways we never expected.
And yet another thing I've learned during this adoption journey, is how much I really do love my husband. I've learned what an incrediable person he is... and have seen into the future to what kind of Dad he will be to our daughters. I am so blessed to have such an amazing person to share this life with.... and for those that know our "history"... that is a wonderful revalation and a testimony to God's grace and mercy!
AND THEN... as I shared some of these things with the person that challanged me by this question... they shared something with me... that really changed some of my thinking... When we know without a doubt we are walking in God's will for our lives... but things are not panning out how we expect...or as quickly as we think they should... or as we face heartbreaks on that path God has us on... we need to rejoice! Walk in joy... knowing that God is doing things that we can not see... or understand... and might never understand this side of heaven... this was such an eye opening statement to me... we know without a doubt that Sheldine & Nephtalie will come home someday... and that God will complete the good work he began... but this road has had many heartaches and heartbreakes... have we always rejoiced?... Nope...we have failed in that department at times... we are so grateful and thankful that God chose us to be the parents of these two amazing little girls... this has been the hardest journey either me or Darren has been on... but God has never left us... never forsaken us... and we need to change our heart attitude and just rejoice in where He has us... open ourselves up to what He's teaching us... and know that He's got this! So...today... I walk in joy... my arms hurt ... I want to hold my girls again... I want to have them home with us where we KNOW they belong... but I do not want that outside of God's perfect will and perfect timing...
Another thing I've learned is how to even greater lean on the Lord... He truly is our source of everything! Without the Lord in our lives and at the center of this journey... we would have been so lost. The Lord has surrounded us with such a wonderful support system... blessed us financially and grounded us in our relationship with Him in ways we never expected.
And yet another thing I've learned during this adoption journey, is how much I really do love my husband. I've learned what an incrediable person he is... and have seen into the future to what kind of Dad he will be to our daughters. I am so blessed to have such an amazing person to share this life with.... and for those that know our "history"... that is a wonderful revalation and a testimony to God's grace and mercy!
AND THEN... as I shared some of these things with the person that challanged me by this question... they shared something with me... that really changed some of my thinking... When we know without a doubt we are walking in God's will for our lives... but things are not panning out how we expect...or as quickly as we think they should... or as we face heartbreaks on that path God has us on... we need to rejoice! Walk in joy... knowing that God is doing things that we can not see... or understand... and might never understand this side of heaven... this was such an eye opening statement to me... we know without a doubt that Sheldine & Nephtalie will come home someday... and that God will complete the good work he began... but this road has had many heartaches and heartbreakes... have we always rejoiced?... Nope...we have failed in that department at times... we are so grateful and thankful that God chose us to be the parents of these two amazing little girls... this has been the hardest journey either me or Darren has been on... but God has never left us... never forsaken us... and we need to change our heart attitude and just rejoice in where He has us... open ourselves up to what He's teaching us... and know that He's got this! So...today... I walk in joy... my arms hurt ... I want to hold my girls again... I want to have them home with us where we KNOW they belong... but I do not want that outside of God's perfect will and perfect timing...
Thursday, February 28, 2013
When it RAINS it POURS!!!!
We have all heard that phrase... and typically when someone tosses this out it's not for a good reason... Typically it's being used because life is throwing too many difficult or laboring things in our path... I am using this phrase tonight because, in the last week... in all of it's highs and lows... God has been raining down blessings ... and blessings..... and blessings... pouring them down on us!!! So tonight, I'm choosing to use this phrase for good!
Sunday was my adoption shower... titled "Princess Party"... OH MY GOSH... it was so awesome... so much love, joy, fellowship, laughter, tears, gifts, blessings, friends, family, kids... it was AMAZING.... We had two car loads of gifts and an abundance of gift cards and cash to tuck away.... SO... "when it rains it pours"... BLESSINGS! I will never forget that day .... I will never forget the kind words... the hugs... the tears... the excitment that was overwhelming !!! I finally.... at 41 1/2 years old... I had my baby shower!!!!
THEN... we find out that Neffy's passport is ready... after some confusion and upset over a list of documents we were told that each girls file still needed... a long talk with our agency cleared up some of our intense fears... it's not as bad as we thought... We are hopeful and prayerful that Sheldine's passport will come any day now... and that the couple of standard doucments that are still needed will come quickly too...
So I leave you with this......
When it rains it pours! Thank You Jesus!
Sunday was my adoption shower... titled "Princess Party"... OH MY GOSH... it was so awesome... so much love, joy, fellowship, laughter, tears, gifts, blessings, friends, family, kids... it was AMAZING.... We had two car loads of gifts and an abundance of gift cards and cash to tuck away.... SO... "when it rains it pours"... BLESSINGS! I will never forget that day .... I will never forget the kind words... the hugs... the tears... the excitment that was overwhelming !!! I finally.... at 41 1/2 years old... I had my baby shower!!!!
THEN... we find out that Neffy's passport is ready... after some confusion and upset over a list of documents we were told that each girls file still needed... a long talk with our agency cleared up some of our intense fears... it's not as bad as we thought... We are hopeful and prayerful that Sheldine's passport will come any day now... and that the couple of standard doucments that are still needed will come quickly too...
So I leave you with this......
When it rains it pours! Thank You Jesus!
Friday, February 22, 2013
*** sigh ***
Another week gone... No passports!
Not sure how much more this Papa and Mamma can take... we are feeling so lost... clinging to the slight bit of rope we have left... praying that God will move whatever mountain is in the way and bring this family together, once and for all! We are holding on to the promise that God gave us over three years ago that adopting from Haiti was exactly how He planned for Darren and I to have children... we know this in our heads... and in our hearts... This family WILL come together... our girls WILL come home... Father help us hold on!
So... Update...
I spoke to our adoption agency on Thursday evening... no real answers...no movement in our process... We still wait to have Sheldine & Nephtalie's passports issued... They were applied for on Jan 3rd... so we wait...
Not sure how much more this Papa and Mamma can take... we are feeling so lost... clinging to the slight bit of rope we have left... praying that God will move whatever mountain is in the way and bring this family together, once and for all! We are holding on to the promise that God gave us over three years ago that adopting from Haiti was exactly how He planned for Darren and I to have children... we know this in our heads... and in our hearts... This family WILL come together... our girls WILL come home... Father help us hold on!
So... Update...
I spoke to our adoption agency on Thursday evening... no real answers...no movement in our process... We still wait to have Sheldine & Nephtalie's passports issued... They were applied for on Jan 3rd... so we wait...
Friday, January 18, 2013
New Mommy Anxiety
As we close in on this final leg of our adoption journey, I find myself a little anxious abut that change in our lives. We will officially be the sole caregivers for these two amazing little Haitian beauties. We will officially be a mommy & daddy... we have waited for so long for this day, and to see it approaching on the horizon brings a new flood of fears, worries, anxieties and emotions.
This journey has been such a horribly beautiful- raw and emotional- painful and over the top joyful journey that I wouldn't change.... and it's all about to turn around and become a reality that I sure hope we are ready for. In our hearts- we are ready... In our home- we are ready... We have talked and talked... asked and asked... read and researched.... to the best of our ability, we are ready.... right?... (insert a small amount of anxiousness here). We have such an amazing supportive family and group of friends.... such a circle of love around us ... and with God at the center of our family, I know we will overcome... right?... (insert another bit of fear and worry)... We love these girls and feel like we've always known them... but the reality is, we have spent little time with them... and them with us... (another does of anxiety here)... will they bond quickly?... will they feel safe and secure in their new home with their forever Mommy & Daddy?... I have to believe that God - our ever faithful father is working that out for us, even now... right? And then there is the worry about their health coming home... their eating habits... new food.. new faces... new places... they live in an orphanage in a third world country --- they don't see much else other than the other orphans and the staff... inside the concrete cinder block walls of Maison..... very few times in their lives have they been outside those walls.....will they be totally overwhelmed to the point of breaking?... We know they will have times of saddness for their friends they have left beind... please God help us handle those times well... PHEW....so much to think about and fret about... and plan for ... and work out... and dream about.... My thoughts make me tired someday's.... And now the nesting has kicked in!!!! I am organizing and sorting and cleaning out ... won't be much time for that later when we are knee deep in princess tea parties and barbie dolls... right?
I heard Joyce Myer make this comment this morning.... "you have everything you already need to be victorious".... how true is that... Does't the Word promise that we are MORE than overcomers in Christ... and that we can do ALL things through Christ who is our strength... and God promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us... those are the promises that I cover these fears/worries and anxious thoughts with.... please continue to pray for us as we approach this beautiful pivotal point in our journey... pray we will have great wisdom and make the right decisions as we transition our girls to their forever home.
This journey has been such a horribly beautiful- raw and emotional- painful and over the top joyful journey that I wouldn't change.... and it's all about to turn around and become a reality that I sure hope we are ready for. In our hearts- we are ready... In our home- we are ready... We have talked and talked... asked and asked... read and researched.... to the best of our ability, we are ready.... right?... (insert a small amount of anxiousness here). We have such an amazing supportive family and group of friends.... such a circle of love around us ... and with God at the center of our family, I know we will overcome... right?... (insert another bit of fear and worry)... We love these girls and feel like we've always known them... but the reality is, we have spent little time with them... and them with us... (another does of anxiety here)... will they bond quickly?... will they feel safe and secure in their new home with their forever Mommy & Daddy?... I have to believe that God - our ever faithful father is working that out for us, even now... right? And then there is the worry about their health coming home... their eating habits... new food.. new faces... new places... they live in an orphanage in a third world country --- they don't see much else other than the other orphans and the staff... inside the concrete cinder block walls of Maison..... very few times in their lives have they been outside those walls.....will they be totally overwhelmed to the point of breaking?... We know they will have times of saddness for their friends they have left beind... please God help us handle those times well... PHEW....so much to think about and fret about... and plan for ... and work out... and dream about.... My thoughts make me tired someday's.... And now the nesting has kicked in!!!! I am organizing and sorting and cleaning out ... won't be much time for that later when we are knee deep in princess tea parties and barbie dolls... right?
I heard Joyce Myer make this comment this morning.... "you have everything you already need to be victorious".... how true is that... Does't the Word promise that we are MORE than overcomers in Christ... and that we can do ALL things through Christ who is our strength... and God promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us... those are the promises that I cover these fears/worries and anxious thoughts with.... please continue to pray for us as we approach this beautiful pivotal point in our journey... pray we will have great wisdom and make the right decisions as we transition our girls to their forever home.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
The end is in sight...
Two weeks (or so) ago, we received a call from our adoption agency that our adoption decrees were done.. thereby leagally finalizing our adoption... in Haiti... we are now moving onto the passport & visa steps to bring the girls home. ... the question we get now... "when do you go get them?"... (which really isn't much different than the questions we were getting)-- we still have no idea when... these final steps can move quickly or they can move slowly....just like this whole entire process.... our obvious prayer is that their passports and visa's will manifest with such speed and accuracy that it will blow everyone's minds...to the glory of God.... BUT.. I was reminded last night in service that God does not use my watch or calendar in His working.... and when those documents come about... the timing will be perfect....
We have a copy of Nephtalie's adoption decree,but have not yet received Sheldine's... The absence of Sheldine's decree is causing some anxiety in both Darren and I... we have been told it's done and there are no issues... just the simple matter that the lawyer in Haiti has not delivered a copy to the orphanage for them to scan and email it to us.... seems simple enough... but as we have learned through this whole process...NOTHING is simple in Haiti...NOTHING makes sense and it has really stretched our faith and patience... I guess that is part of God preparing us for parenthood...
Seeing Neffy's name listed on that official Haitian Adoption Decree as Nephtalie Condon... has brought on a sence of urgency to my heart... I am officially a Mom... at the age of 42...after years and years of longing... praying.. hoping and "letting go" of the dream to have children... I am a MOM! All of a sudden the realness of this journey is staring me in the face... I've had to remind myself to exhale .... Very soon... Very Very Very soon... I find myself walking into their rooms... looking at their beds, with new eyes..... kneeling in the middle of their floor to pray... praying new prayers... I have known all along that God would complete the good work he began... because that is His promise to me... but the tide has shifted... with that one document... our world has changed... Darren is legally a Pappa... He has two daughters... and I am legally a Momma... the responsiblity of it all is heavy... real and so wonderful..... We long to get Sheldine's decree...to see that with our eyes... but again... this journey has been about walking by faith and not by sight!
We are hoping to have our passports by the end of the year... we know and have been told that is a bit unrealistic and a long shot... passports are taking awhile...... BUT GOD..... We will still pray and believe that it can and will happen... praying and hoping...that in a couple short months... we will be booking our tickets to Haiti... to bring our girls home...
We have a copy of Nephtalie's adoption decree,but have not yet received Sheldine's... The absence of Sheldine's decree is causing some anxiety in both Darren and I... we have been told it's done and there are no issues... just the simple matter that the lawyer in Haiti has not delivered a copy to the orphanage for them to scan and email it to us.... seems simple enough... but as we have learned through this whole process...NOTHING is simple in Haiti...NOTHING makes sense and it has really stretched our faith and patience... I guess that is part of God preparing us for parenthood...
Seeing Neffy's name listed on that official Haitian Adoption Decree as Nephtalie Condon... has brought on a sence of urgency to my heart... I am officially a Mom... at the age of 42...after years and years of longing... praying.. hoping and "letting go" of the dream to have children... I am a MOM! All of a sudden the realness of this journey is staring me in the face... I've had to remind myself to exhale .... Very soon... Very Very Very soon... I find myself walking into their rooms... looking at their beds, with new eyes..... kneeling in the middle of their floor to pray... praying new prayers... I have known all along that God would complete the good work he began... because that is His promise to me... but the tide has shifted... with that one document... our world has changed... Darren is legally a Pappa... He has two daughters... and I am legally a Momma... the responsiblity of it all is heavy... real and so wonderful..... We long to get Sheldine's decree...to see that with our eyes... but again... this journey has been about walking by faith and not by sight!
We are hoping to have our passports by the end of the year... we know and have been told that is a bit unrealistic and a long shot... passports are taking awhile...... BUT GOD..... We will still pray and believe that it can and will happen... praying and hoping...that in a couple short months... we will be booking our tickets to Haiti... to bring our girls home...
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
A wave of new hope.....
As news came across my computer screen today of a family adopting from Maison that will be flying home from Haiti on Nov 18th with their precious adopted daughter... a wave of new hope washes over me. This will be the first child to leave our orphanage since the earthquake over 2 1/2 years ago!!! What an amazing day that will be... I am overjoyed for my sweet new friend and her family... rejoicing at the joy that must be filling their hearts... praying that everything flows smoothly and seamlessly for them as they journey this final leg of the adoption process... and step into the next "season" God has for this family... simply amazed!
In the midst of this most amazingly difficult and beautiful journey.... I find myself dreaming of the day we step off Haitian soil with our daughters....what will that day be like?... To be walking into the airport as a complete family of four. To check in at the ticket counter as the Condon Family! To walk down the tarmac hand in hand with Sheldine or Neffy... (Pappa will have to manage at least one of them!)... onto the plane... locating our seats and buckling the girls in... what will that feel like?... This will be their first time in an airport...on a plane... how will that feel to them?... what will be going through their minds?.... what will be going through mine?... Touching down on US soil... making our connecting flights... stopping for a snack or lunch... in an airport ... in the United States... with my daughters.... flying into Presque Isle... with my kids... getting off the plane and walking across the runway toward terminal... what will our thoughts be... what will the girls emotions be like?.. What will their reaction be to seeing their new home... new bedroom... new toys and clothes?.... all of this seems so "unreachable"... yet, so close I can taste it...
Saturday, September 29, 2012
grateful hearts
As we look down the road of the final leg of this adoption... we are blown away at the goodness of the people that God has brought into this journey with us.
Last Sunday we hosted another HUGE fund-raising event and it was AWESOME! We did an Old Fashion Family "Fun"-Raiser... horse rides, face painting, dunk tank, bouce houses, games, food and more.... so many hands went into the planning, executing, organizing, set up, clean up... we are floored by the outpouring of help/donations and assistance we received in pulling this event off.... and then the 350+ people that showed up that day... How do you fashion a proper "thank you"? We raised $3600.00 at this event and the donations are still coming in!!! At some point I think you run out of descriptive words to explain how grateful and thankful and humbled you are. I believe we are at that point!
I think about all the generosity of people during this journey and think... this is the heritage of our girls... this generosity and giving is part of their history... I keep a journal for them (the best I can)... to document this journey and how God unfolded this for our family.... and I can't wait for the day we can sit down and talk about each and every fund-raiser... each and every victory along the way... each and every tear fest and heartbreak...(that is part of this journey too... and God is using those times as well)... I can't wait to share with them- face to face.... about how God formed our family together in a way that only He can! This is not just an adoption of two orphaned girls that live in Haiti... and a couple in America that are infertile. This is KINGDOM work... we have a huge responsibilty to share the goodness... the awesomeness... the provision....the blessings and workings of the Lord with our girls.. I pray we can do it effectively.... I pray that as we continue to walk this path and expierence all that God has for us and our family... that we can effectively share this journey with others and that God will use it to touch their hearts and expand His kingdom!
This Momma & Pappa are weary... tired... worn out... and ready for our kids to be home with us.... It's coming... someday's it feels so far away, and someday's it feels close. We are so thankful for the support system God had blessed us with... for those that lift our arms when we don't have the energy anymore. This picture of our family keeps us going.. The Condon Family!!!
Last Sunday we hosted another HUGE fund-raising event and it was AWESOME! We did an Old Fashion Family "Fun"-Raiser... horse rides, face painting, dunk tank, bouce houses, games, food and more.... so many hands went into the planning, executing, organizing, set up, clean up... we are floored by the outpouring of help/donations and assistance we received in pulling this event off.... and then the 350+ people that showed up that day... How do you fashion a proper "thank you"? We raised $3600.00 at this event and the donations are still coming in!!! At some point I think you run out of descriptive words to explain how grateful and thankful and humbled you are. I believe we are at that point!
I think about all the generosity of people during this journey and think... this is the heritage of our girls... this generosity and giving is part of their history... I keep a journal for them (the best I can)... to document this journey and how God unfolded this for our family.... and I can't wait for the day we can sit down and talk about each and every fund-raiser... each and every victory along the way... each and every tear fest and heartbreak...(that is part of this journey too... and God is using those times as well)... I can't wait to share with them- face to face.... about how God formed our family together in a way that only He can! This is not just an adoption of two orphaned girls that live in Haiti... and a couple in America that are infertile. This is KINGDOM work... we have a huge responsibilty to share the goodness... the awesomeness... the provision....the blessings and workings of the Lord with our girls.. I pray we can do it effectively.... I pray that as we continue to walk this path and expierence all that God has for us and our family... that we can effectively share this journey with others and that God will use it to touch their hearts and expand His kingdom!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Waiting.....
Never really been good at waiting.... When we are young... we can't WAIT to be 18...when we are freshmen in high school... we can't WAIT to be seniors.... when we are 18... we can't WAIT to be 21... when it's Monday.. we can't WAIT for it to be Friday... when a vacation nears... we can't WAIT for the departure day to come... when we are hungry... we can't WAIT for the waitress to come with our dinner.... we can't WAIT for Christmas... we can't WAIT for date night... we can't WAIT for the super bowl to air when our favorite team is playing... we can't stand WAITING in lines at the bank, post office or grocery store... we dislike WAITING for the light to turn green.... let's face it.... WAITING IS HARD.
Never ever did I think... I would be waiting... for 2 1/2 years... for my daughters to come home. This is the hardest WAIT I've ever done. One the flip side... my God is loving and gracious and faithful... and in HIM do I trust!
Lord... teach me what you have for me in the waiting... open my heart to receive all you have for me...remind me daily that this waiting is not for void... you have reason's that are so vast beyond my understandiing.... help me to simply trust in you. Teach me how to pray for my children and husband as I wait... mold me and transform me into the mother you are calling me to be as I wait... readjust my thinking...as I wait. Be with my daughters at they wait and help me not to forget that as I sit and wait for them... as I cry and hurt to be with them... they wait too. They are in the middle of this crazy and emotional journey too. Help me keep my eyes fixed on you Lord. Thank you for my kids! Amen
Never ever did I think... I would be waiting... for 2 1/2 years... for my daughters to come home. This is the hardest WAIT I've ever done. One the flip side... my God is loving and gracious and faithful... and in HIM do I trust!
Lord... teach me what you have for me in the waiting... open my heart to receive all you have for me...remind me daily that this waiting is not for void... you have reason's that are so vast beyond my understandiing.... help me to simply trust in you. Teach me how to pray for my children and husband as I wait... mold me and transform me into the mother you are calling me to be as I wait... readjust my thinking...as I wait. Be with my daughters at they wait and help me not to forget that as I sit and wait for them... as I cry and hurt to be with them... they wait too. They are in the middle of this crazy and emotional journey too. Help me keep my eyes fixed on you Lord. Thank you for my kids! Amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)