52 Things Kids need from a Mom

I had purchased a book a few weeks ago... written by Angela Thomas and titled "52 Things Kids Need from a Mom"... they have one for Dad's and Darren read that about a year ago... and loved it!  In light of the recent AMAZING progress in  our adoption journey... and with the thought that my daughters might be home in as soon as 5 weeks (ish)... I figured it a good time to read this in-lightening book and get some good "mom advice" before my world is turned up-side-down. 

Chapter 1~ To Pray in Secret with the Door Open
This chapter speaks about how we so strive to be picture perfect sometimes... and life is just not that way... our homes are turned backwards and torn apart... we are exhausted from work/school/meal time/bath time/homework time/bed time/errands/housework and then some...  how do we fit in the quiet time with the Lord that we used to cherish before we had kids?... Don't we still need that?.. YES... we sure do!  Even more so... to be filled by God's word and His amazing presence... to sit still and listen to His voice... Tell me - mothers out there reading...  does this picture of your "devotional time" look different than it did before you had kids?...  In the book the author talks about how she strived to have that same picture perfect quiet time and it just never happened...  and one day... as her 4 children were sitting down to watch a video...she went into her bedroom... sat on the floor with her to read her bible for a moment... then she stretched out... facedown on the carpet and began to pray... with her bedroom door OPEN!  Her children came searching for her...  long story short... they asked her what she was doing and in a quite voice she simply told them she was praying....  they crawled on her...laid on top of her...sat next to her and prayed too...
Come to Me messy.
Come when you're tired.
Let the children lie on top of you.
Let them interrupt you.
You do not have to be perfect... just come to Me and let them see.

This very first chapter... I believe and hope and pray... will be imbedded into my mind and heart as I open this home to my daughters... we will be busy... full... tired... weary... excited... laughing...crying... and REAL...  I pray I can be the kind of mother that let's them see....

Chapter Two~~Kids Need Their Mom... To never stop touching them
Simple...  this chapter talks about affection... touching them every day... in a loving-encouraging and un-conditional-love you madly way... I want my girls to know how deeply I love them... how safe they are with us... how much we desire good things for them and want them to feel our love always...

You are home.
You are safe.
You are accepted.
You are welcomed.
You are celebrated.

NUF SAID!

This is the moment that my heart became a "Mommy's heart"... that my world turned upside down and I fell head over heels for two little beautiful girls from Haiti that God hand-picked for me... I still find myself awestruck that God gave these girls to me... ME!  I am to be their mother.... this moment in my life was the most amazing, breathtaking and beautiful moment I think I will ever experience....  I remember every detail of that moment... it's as if the world stopped and it was just Darren and I... meeting our girls...What a gift this moment in time will always be for me..... I am guessing it would be just like the moment in a hospital room when a mother gives birth and the doctor places that newborn baby in her arms...  so overwhelming...  so beautiful...

it's been a very long three years in this adoption journey...  my heart has taken a beaten... I have tolerated more anguish than I thought I could...  more tears have flowed from my eyes than I thought I even had in me...  I have been prayed for...prayed over... encouraged... hugged and held by many...  God has taught me more than I expected and stretched me beyond what I thought I could handle....God has revealed to me the kind of husband I have... given me a deeper appreciation for Darren and a stronger love......God has so blessed me in this waiting...   today is Mothers Day... my daughters are in Haiti still and it's been a very bittersweet day... aaahhh, but I am blessed....  cards came in the mail... text message started this morning... and face book message have made me weep...I am blessed... beyond measure!  God has used so many people today to remind me I'm not forgotten... I am not alone... and that I am loved!!!   I think about next Mothers Day... knowing my girls will be here with me that day... and day dreaming about how that will be... (I've already put in my request with Papa... BREAKFAST IN BED!!!) 

I think about all the mothers in my life...  from my own Mom.. who is so loving, giving, caring and kind... who has turned from Mother to best friend... I think of my sister... my pal... my buddy... my right arm... what in the world would I do without the two of you!!!   My Grandmothers--- missing them so much today... all the wisdom they shared by just being Mom's...  by loving me unconditionally and speaking into my life when I needed it... All my faith-sisters... who walk in realness... humility... and honesty about their journey of motherhood--... all the aunts, friends, mothers of friends, mother-in-law, sisters-in-laws, adoptive mothers that are my new sisters...bosses, co-workers...phew... I know a lot of mothers... and I'm so grateful to have a piece of each of you to carry with me as I prepare to enter into this new journey of motherhood.... thank you!  We need each other... to love, encourage, listen, share life with... I look forward to doing what you all have done for me...  I look forward to pouring my motherhood journey with whomever God brings into my path....

I have also been thinking of the birth mothers...these two faceless women that gave birth to my daughters... we may never meet, but we will always be connected...  my heart is heavy for them... someone looses... and someone gains... I pray they will have a life of blessings.. that they will know, deep in their hearts that their daughters are ok..... if we never meet...  I pray God fills them with this knowledge...

SO... Happy Mother's Day to me...  it's been a quiet, reflective day ... filled with beauty, tears, sweet and kind words and well wishes...prayers... and a turkey burger from Ruby's!  Somewhere in PAP, Haiti are my sweet Sheldine & Nephtalie... Manmi (Mommy) loves you

What have you learned?....

I was just asked this week, what our greatest lesson was that we are taking out of this adoption journey....  hummmmm...  the thing that came to mind first was the lesson of patience...  I would like to hope that all this waiting will help us be really patient parents to Sheldine & Neffy.  And for all those parents out there, I am sure you can relate...  parenting takes patience...

 Another thing I've learned is how to even greater lean on the Lord... He truly is our source of everything!  Without the Lord in our lives and at the center of this journey... we would have been so lost.  The Lord has surrounded us with such a wonderful support system... blessed us financially and grounded us in our relationship with Him in ways we never expected. 

And yet another thing I've learned during this adoption journey, is how much I really do love my husband.  I've learned what an incrediable person he is... and have seen into the future to what kind of Dad he will be to our daughters.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing person to share this life with.... and for those that know our "history"... that is a wonderful revalation and a testimony to God's grace and mercy!

AND THEN...  as I shared some of these things with the person that challanged me by this question...  they shared something with me...  that really changed some of my thinking...  When we know without a doubt we are walking in God's will for our lives... but things are not panning out how we expect...or as quickly as we think they should... or as we face heartbreaks on that path God has us on...  we need to rejoice!  Walk in joy... knowing that God is doing things that we can not see... or understand... and might never understand this side of heaven...  this was such an eye opening statement to me...  we know without a doubt that Sheldine & Nephtalie will come home someday... and that God will complete the good work he began... but this road has had many heartaches and heartbreakes...  have we always rejoiced?... Nope...we have failed in that department at times... we are so grateful and thankful that God chose us to be the parents of these two amazing little girls...  this has been the hardest journey either me or Darren has been on... but God has never left us... never forsaken us... and we need to change our heart attitude and just rejoice in where He has us... open ourselves up to what He's teaching us... and know that He's got this!  So...today...  I walk in joy...  my arms hurt ... I want to hold my girls again... I want to have them home with us where we KNOW they belong... but I do not want that outside of God's perfect will and perfect timing...

When it RAINS it POURS!!!!

We have all heard that phrase...  and typically when someone tosses this out it's not for a good reason... Typically it's being used because life is throwing too many difficult or laboring things in our path...  I am using this phrase tonight because, in the last week...  in all of it's highs and lows... God has been raining down blessings ...  and blessings..... and blessings...  pouring them down on us!!!  So tonight, I'm choosing to use this phrase for good! 

Sunday was my adoption shower... titled "Princess Party"...  OH MY GOSH...  it was so awesome...  so much love, joy, fellowship, laughter, tears, gifts, blessings, friends, family, kids...  it was AMAZING....   We had two car loads of gifts and an abundance of gift cards and cash to tuck away....  SO... "when it rains it pours"...  BLESSINGS!  I will never forget that day .... I will never forget the kind words... the hugs... the tears...  the excitment that was overwhelming !!!  I finally.... at 41 1/2 years old... I had my baby shower!!!!

THEN...  we find out that Neffy's passport is ready...  after some confusion and upset over a list of documents we were told that each girls file still needed...  a long talk with our agency cleared up some of our intense fears...  it's not as bad as we thought...  We are hopeful and prayerful that Sheldine's passport will come any day now...  and that the couple of standard doucments that are still needed will come quickly too...

So I leave you with this......

When it rains it pours!  Thank You Jesus! 

*** sigh ***

Another week gone... No passports! 

Not sure how much more this Papa and Mamma can take...  we are feeling so lost... clinging to the slight bit of rope we have left...  praying that God will move whatever mountain is in the way and bring this family together, once and for all!  We are holding on to the promise that God gave us over three years ago that adopting from Haiti was exactly how He planned for Darren and I to have children... we know this in our heads... and in our hearts...   This family WILL come together... our girls WILL come home...  Father help us hold on!

So...  Update...

I spoke to our adoption agency on Thursday evening... no real answers...no movement in our process...  We still wait to have Sheldine & Nephtalie's passports issued...  They were applied for on Jan 3rd...  so we wait...  

New Mommy Anxiety

As we close in on this final leg of our adoption journey, I find myself a little anxious abut that change in our lives.  We will officially be the sole caregivers for these two amazing little Haitian beauties.  We will officially be a mommy & daddy... we have waited for so long for this day,  and to see it approaching on the horizon brings a new flood of fears, worries, anxieties and emotions. 

This journey has been such a horribly beautiful- raw and emotional- painful and over the top joyful journey that I wouldn't change.... and it's all about to turn around and become a reality that I sure hope we are ready for.   In our hearts- we are ready... In our home- we are ready...  We have talked and talked... asked and asked... read and researched.... to the best of our ability, we are ready.... right?...  (insert a small amount of anxiousness here).  We have such an amazing supportive family and group of friends.... such a circle of love around us ... and with God at the center of our family, I know we will overcome...  right?... (insert another bit of fear and worry)... We love these girls and feel like we've always known them... but the reality is, we have spent little time with them... and them with us... (another does of anxiety here)...  will they bond quickly?... will they feel safe and secure in their new home with their forever Mommy & Daddy?... I have to believe that God - our ever faithful father is working that out for us, even now... right?  And then there is the worry about their health coming home... their eating habits... new food.. new faces... new places...  they live in an orphanage in a third world country ---  they don't see much else other than the other orphans and the staff... inside the concrete cinder block walls of Maison..... very few times in their lives have they been outside those walls.....will they be totally overwhelmed to the point of breaking?...  We know they will have times of saddness for their friends they have left beind... please God help us handle those times well... PHEW....so much to think about and fret about... and plan for ... and work out... and dream about....  My thoughts make me tired someday's.... And now the nesting has kicked in!!!!  I am organizing and sorting and cleaning out ...  won't be much time for that later when we are knee deep in princess tea parties and barbie dolls... right? 

I heard Joyce Myer make this comment this morning....  "you have everything you already need to be victorious"....  how true is that...  Does't the Word promise that we are MORE than overcomers in Christ...  and that we can do ALL things through Christ who is our strength...  and God promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us...   those are the promises that I cover these fears/worries and anxious thoughts with.... please continue to pray for us as we approach this beautiful pivotal point in our journey...  pray we will have great wisdom and make the right decisions as we transition our girls to their forever home.

The end is in sight...

Two weeks (or so) ago, we received a call from our adoption agency that our adoption decrees were done..  thereby leagally finalizing our adoption... in Haiti...  we are now moving onto the passport & visa steps to bring the girls home. ...  the question we get now... "when do you go get them?"... (which really isn't much different than the questions we were getting)--  we still have no idea when... these final steps can move quickly or they can move slowly....just like this whole entire process....  our obvious prayer is that their passports and visa's will manifest with such speed and accuracy that it will blow everyone's minds...to the glory of God.... BUT.. I was reminded last night in service that God does not use my watch or calendar in His working....  and when those documents come about... the timing will be perfect....

We have a copy of Nephtalie's adoption decree,but have not yet received Sheldine's... The absence of Sheldine's decree is causing some anxiety in both Darren and I...  we have been told it's done and there are no issues... just the simple matter that the lawyer in Haiti has not delivered a copy to the orphanage for them to scan and email it to us....  seems simple enough... but as we have learned through this whole process...NOTHING is simple in Haiti...NOTHING makes sense and it has really stretched our faith and patience...  I guess that is part of God preparing us for parenthood... 

 Seeing Neffy's name listed on that official Haitian Adoption Decree as Nephtalie Condon...  has brought on a sence of urgency to my heart... I am officially a Mom...  at the age of 42...after years and years of longing... praying.. hoping and "letting go" of the dream to have children...  I am a MOM!  All of a sudden the realness of this journey is staring me in the face... I've had to remind myself to exhale .... Very soon... Very Very Very soon... I find myself walking into their rooms... looking at their beds, with new eyes..... kneeling in the middle of their floor to pray... praying new prayers... I have known all along that God would complete the good work he began... because that is His promise to me...  but the tide has shifted...  with that one document... our world has changed...  Darren is legally a Pappa...  He has two daughters...  and I am legally a Momma...  the responsiblity of it all is heavy... real and so wonderful.....  We long to get Sheldine's decree...to see that with our eyes... but again...  this journey has been about walking by faith and not by sight!

We are hoping to have our passports by the end of the year...  we know and have been told that is a bit unrealistic and a long shot... passports are taking awhile......  BUT GOD.....  We will still pray and believe that it can and will happen...  praying and hoping...that in a couple short months... we will be booking our tickets to Haiti... to bring our girls home...