Random thoughts as I ponder....."Gotcha Day" & "Hit our Hometown Day"
2nd anniversary has come and gone.... June 17th 2013 was our official "Gotcha Day"... and June 24th 2013 was the day we stepped off the plane in Presque Isle as a family of four....
Time sure does fly. We recently celebrated Sheldine's 8th birthday (8 YEARS OLD)... she is growing too fast for this tender Momma's heart..(8 inches in 2 years!!! That has got to be some sort of record!!).... Neffy will be 8 in less than 2 months! ..... they are blossoming and becoming more and more independent and comfortable with their surroundings... as happy as I am about that... it is bitter sweet...
As I look back over these last 2 years and how much has happened and all that the girls have adjusted to and overcome... I am proud. Proud that they are good kids... with amazing hearts... they are learning to love their home and family... they are making friends and learning what real friendship is all about. They are creating memories and even talk about things we did a year ago.. that makes my heart smile. They are learning about Jesus and what a church family is .... they are trying to understand authority and what "normal" authority in their lives means. They are learning how to love and live in a family home with a Mom & Dad... and with each other...they are learning how to communicate and interact with people on an every day basis.... Every single aspect of what they knew is different... and after 2 years... we are still transitioning and teaching and learning ... Most people assume that after 2 years these kids should have "gotten it" by now... OH HOW UNTRUE and unconceivable... these children were plucked from their home, friends, family, culture, climate, country, language, education, play ground... every single thing in their day is now different...not one thing is the same... I am so proud!!!
We have made many choices in these last 2 years that are probably hard for most of our close circle and even those not so close to understand... we still spend a lot of time at home... They call this "cacooning"... Like you would with a newborn baby... they are still adjusting to what a "normal" home is... what a "normal" family is... we are still working to instill that into their hearts and minds... we are still working on that fear in them... "will they send me back"... "do they love me"... "will they leave me"..... We are still working on bathroom habits... naughty behavior that a typical 3-4 year old would struggle with... we still work on explaining what some very basic words mean... but I am so proud!
This year they will enter 1st grade at Fort Fairfield Elementary School.... and I can't wait to see how much they learn and grow this year.... they are about 2 years behind where they should be... but they are so smart... considering all they have witnessed and learned and overcome in their short lives... I am so proud! These girls are fighters... survivors.... deep emotional feelers.... tender and tough.... I am so proud!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Utter Exhaustion
I sit here... nice hot cup of coffee and my laptop open.. the girls playing in their room being silly and funny... they are so creative!!! It is balm to my soul to listen to them play together... laughing...having fun...safe and warm... full bellies...healthy... enjoying being sisters...... I ponder.....19 months in to our new family and I have never been so tired and emotional... never been driven to the depths of frustration and anger... hurt and worry... offended and sad.... but with one snuggle from either of my sweet brown baby girls (that are growing WAY too fast)... it all melts away for just a brief moment. Thank You Jesus for those brief moments in time.
We are facing some real serious issues 19 months into this new family dynamic.
RAD-PTSD-ADD-ADHD-DEPRESSION------ labels... labels.... labels...
A very wise family doctor told me... "let's not be so concerned with the labels and just get you guys some help"... AHHHHH Fresh air to my weary soul, heart and mind. We are in fact facing all those above things ...not just for my daughters but for us too... we are all in the midst of some tough times emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally and physically..there are moments that I don't even recognize who I am...... but God has met us right were we are... with His outstretched hand ... offering His grace and mercy and wisdom. It's a long road we are walking... we don't see the light and fluffy end yet. Oh, but it will come.
We have a wonderful counselor for Neffy (and possibly Sheldine)... a very dedicated and wise family doctor... an amazing family and church... wonderful friends and we serve the most powerful and awesome God. Oh, it will come..... To those that think 19 months at home is long enough for a child to adapt to their new family and surroundings... you are so so wrong... I was so so wrong! 19 months in and we are just turning the corner from what could have been transition issues to deep rooted and heartbreaking emotional issues. This is where the real hard work begins... but the Lord tells me... "do not be afraid..." So we will press in and press on...
IF you know a family with adopted children... pray for them... pray for those kids that suffered deep pain, trauma and loss first before this new beautiful family could be formed... pray for those adoptive parents trying to "clean up the mess" the best they can and make these kids whole again...
19 months in... we are doing life in survival mode... living and parenting the best we can... loving the best we can... reaching out for support, guidance, help and love where we can... and believing God always had this as part of His plan... I am learning more and more about myself everyday. I will be flat out honest... some of those things I'm learning I do not like! I am NOT patient...I in fact have very little patience... I am NOT as mild mannered as I thought I would be... I am NOT strong ... I am flawed, weak, prideful and selfish... Thank You Lord that you won't leave me here and you forgive me ... My husband on the other hand is more than I thought he would be...in spite of his flaws and weaknesses... (let's face it, we all have them)... He loves these girls deeply and the way he laughs and plays with them blesses my heart.. He takes good care of us and I know this man is just as exhausted as I am... He is hardworking and dedicated.. He is involved and caring... He is wise even though he does not believe that he is... he guides us and prays for us... cooks for us... does the dishes and all the heavy lifting... he cleans my cat box!!!!!! He is good good man and I am a lucky and blessed woman to be called his wife. I wonder if he knows this is how I feel?... I should tell him huh?.. or maybe he'll read this blog post and know ....
We are facing some real serious issues 19 months into this new family dynamic.
RAD-PTSD-ADD-ADHD-DEPRESSION------ labels... labels.... labels...
A very wise family doctor told me... "let's not be so concerned with the labels and just get you guys some help"... AHHHHH Fresh air to my weary soul, heart and mind. We are in fact facing all those above things ...not just for my daughters but for us too... we are all in the midst of some tough times emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally and physically..there are moments that I don't even recognize who I am...... but God has met us right were we are... with His outstretched hand ... offering His grace and mercy and wisdom. It's a long road we are walking... we don't see the light and fluffy end yet. Oh, but it will come.
We have a wonderful counselor for Neffy (and possibly Sheldine)... a very dedicated and wise family doctor... an amazing family and church... wonderful friends and we serve the most powerful and awesome God. Oh, it will come..... To those that think 19 months at home is long enough for a child to adapt to their new family and surroundings... you are so so wrong... I was so so wrong! 19 months in and we are just turning the corner from what could have been transition issues to deep rooted and heartbreaking emotional issues. This is where the real hard work begins... but the Lord tells me... "do not be afraid..." So we will press in and press on...
IF you know a family with adopted children... pray for them... pray for those kids that suffered deep pain, trauma and loss first before this new beautiful family could be formed... pray for those adoptive parents trying to "clean up the mess" the best they can and make these kids whole again...
19 months in... we are doing life in survival mode... living and parenting the best we can... loving the best we can... reaching out for support, guidance, help and love where we can... and believing God always had this as part of His plan... I am learning more and more about myself everyday. I will be flat out honest... some of those things I'm learning I do not like! I am NOT patient...I in fact have very little patience... I am NOT as mild mannered as I thought I would be... I am NOT strong ... I am flawed, weak, prideful and selfish... Thank You Lord that you won't leave me here and you forgive me ... My husband on the other hand is more than I thought he would be...in spite of his flaws and weaknesses... (let's face it, we all have them)... He loves these girls deeply and the way he laughs and plays with them blesses my heart.. He takes good care of us and I know this man is just as exhausted as I am... He is hardworking and dedicated.. He is involved and caring... He is wise even though he does not believe that he is... he guides us and prays for us... cooks for us... does the dishes and all the heavy lifting... he cleans my cat box!!!!!! He is good good man and I am a lucky and blessed woman to be called his wife. I wonder if he knows this is how I feel?... I should tell him huh?.. or maybe he'll read this blog post and know ....
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