The Valley

This "journey to parenthood" has been such a walk of blind faith...  full of mountain top highs and deep/dark valley lows...  Today we found out that Sheldine's BM missed her 3 scheduled USCIS appt and we have to request another appointment for her.  It really will not stall our process at this point... it's still early enough (or so we have been told) and that there is plenty of time for her to fulfill her requirement of going to the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince and completing her part of this step....  BUT... GEEZE... we were just hoping for some good news... we do not know why she missed again and I find myself trying NOT to be upset with her.  I can not even begin to imagine what her world looks like as I know very little about her.  I do not know what the "home" she lives in looks like.  I do not know what her at home family dynamic looks like.  I do not know what her health situation is like or her financial situation is like. I can neither imagine what an emotionally rollercoaster this is for her as well....  to give up a child because you can no longer provide and care for them...  I just can't imagine..... I can only assume, after seeing with my own eyes the total destruction of most of Port-au-Prince... that she has very little.   We have been assured that her missing a few times is "not a big deal"... and that Maison staff will make sure she makes it to her appointment at some point...  all this being said... I am lifting up this mom tonight to the Lord... I do not know her situation... but He does.  I pray He will bless her with clean water to drink, food to eat, medicine if needed, a roof over her head and I pray she has Jesus in her heart.  The disconnect with my children is hurting more and more...  they are growing and learning.... and needing...  and we are not with them...  my other prayer tonight is that God would quickly build that final bridge for us to bring them home... Tonight I am in a valley...  but just as much as God knows exactly where Sheldine's BM is in her life and in her heart... He knows mine too. 

Chicken Pox!

On Friday we got word that Sheldine came down with the Chicken Pox...  UGH!  We received three pictures of her sitting on the floor covered in calamine lotion...  poor poor girl!  The O said that she was "doing ok, just itchy"...  don't get me wrong, I appreciate the email and the photos.....  BUT... that does not help this Momma's heart... I want to hold her and love her through this... how I long to be the one caring for her... I want to be the one that nursed her back to health... When she grows up, and looks back on her childhood memories... she'll remember having the chicken pox... and I won't be a part of that memory.  I know God has this all planned out and His timing is perfection... but still....

This really does get harder and harder every day!

Things I've learned since trip #2 to Haiti

Back from our second trip to Haiti to spend a week with our beautiful daughters...  reflecting on the new things I've learned --  comments I feel need to be made... and just stuff to get off my heavy hearted chest

1.  The 2nd trip is harder than the 1st.
2.  I can miss someone so badly it physically hurts
3.  My capacity to love another human being goes so much deeper than I ever expected.
4.  Just because you don't share the same "family blood line" does not make you family. I knew this going in.... but it's becoming more and more evident the further into this journey we get... not just our daughters... but the amazing new friends we've met...  they are my family!
5.  I am scared of lizards and my girls think it's funny.
6.  doing laundry can make you cry... washing the girls laundry after coming home has been BRUTAL!
7.  Everyone at Maison... from the kids~nannies~Miss Angie~staff... they are a family!!!
8.  Sheldine loves Coke from Haiti... and Papa loves to give it to her at 8pm at night!  With a chaser of M&M's... NO PAPA!
9.  Neffy is the coolest kid I've ever met.
10.  Kelly Chambley is AWESOME!
11.  Tessa Kanz is my new BFF and her sister Grace is a talented seamstress and Ian is a sweetie pie.  Their parents are pretty awesome too! 
12.  The families, friends & kids we spent the week with on the May Bonding Trip are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the joy, blessing and honor of meeting... 
13. Traveling to Haiti is an extreme adventure... not to be entered into lightly... and I'm so proud of my Mom for braving the journey and coming out a ROCK STAR!!!  Love you mom
14.  My sister Tania has such a servants heart and it was amazing to see how God used her during our time in Haiti...to love on Sheldine & Neffy's "family".
15.  Liz Andretta is truely gifted... Thank you my friend!
16.  My Darren is head - over- heels in love with his daughters... watching him with them spark a deeper and new found love in my heart for my husband.
17.  Sheldine might be a quiet and reserved little girl.. but we shall not let that fool us... she is a goof ball!!!
18.  you can never have too many photo's of your kids!
19.  Pepto-Bismol in the airport is EXPENSIVE!
20.  Next trip to Haiti...  can not come soon enough!

This Mamma is missing her girls more than she can describe...  it's an ache and longing that I've never felt before... one day at a time... someday the Lord will bring this full circle for us and we will celebrate at all the wonders of His hand!