The end is in sight...

Two weeks (or so) ago, we received a call from our adoption agency that our adoption decrees were done..  thereby leagally finalizing our adoption... in Haiti...  we are now moving onto the passport & visa steps to bring the girls home. ...  the question we get now... "when do you go get them?"... (which really isn't much different than the questions we were getting)--  we still have no idea when... these final steps can move quickly or they can move slowly....just like this whole entire process....  our obvious prayer is that their passports and visa's will manifest with such speed and accuracy that it will blow everyone's minds...to the glory of God.... BUT.. I was reminded last night in service that God does not use my watch or calendar in His working....  and when those documents come about... the timing will be perfect....

We have a copy of Nephtalie's adoption decree,but have not yet received Sheldine's... The absence of Sheldine's decree is causing some anxiety in both Darren and I...  we have been told it's done and there are no issues... just the simple matter that the lawyer in Haiti has not delivered a copy to the orphanage for them to scan and email it to us....  seems simple enough... but as we have learned through this whole process...NOTHING is simple in Haiti...NOTHING makes sense and it has really stretched our faith and patience...  I guess that is part of God preparing us for parenthood... 

 Seeing Neffy's name listed on that official Haitian Adoption Decree as Nephtalie Condon...  has brought on a sence of urgency to my heart... I am officially a Mom...  at the age of 42...after years and years of longing... praying.. hoping and "letting go" of the dream to have children...  I am a MOM!  All of a sudden the realness of this journey is staring me in the face... I've had to remind myself to exhale .... Very soon... Very Very Very soon... I find myself walking into their rooms... looking at their beds, with new eyes..... kneeling in the middle of their floor to pray... praying new prayers... I have known all along that God would complete the good work he began... because that is His promise to me...  but the tide has shifted...  with that one document... our world has changed...  Darren is legally a Pappa...  He has two daughters...  and I am legally a Momma...  the responsiblity of it all is heavy... real and so wonderful.....  We long to get Sheldine's decree...to see that with our eyes... but again...  this journey has been about walking by faith and not by sight!

We are hoping to have our passports by the end of the year...  we know and have been told that is a bit unrealistic and a long shot... passports are taking awhile......  BUT GOD.....  We will still pray and believe that it can and will happen...  praying and hoping...that in a couple short months... we will be booking our tickets to Haiti... to bring our girls home... 

A wave of new hope.....

As news came across my computer screen today of a family adopting from Maison that will be flying home from Haiti on Nov 18th with their precious adopted daughter... a wave of new hope washes over me.  This will be the first child to leave our orphanage since the earthquake over 2 1/2 years ago!!!  What an amazing day that will be...  I am overjoyed for my sweet new friend and her family...  rejoicing at the joy that must be filling their hearts...  praying that everything flows smoothly and seamlessly for them as they journey this final leg of the adoption process... and step into the next "season" God has for this family...  simply amazed!

 In the midst of this most amazingly difficult and beautiful journey....  I find myself dreaming of the day we step off Haitian soil with our daughters....what will that day be like?...  To be walking into the airport as a complete family of four.  To check in at the ticket counter as the Condon Family!  To walk down the tarmac hand in hand with Sheldine or Neffy... (Pappa will have to manage at least one of them!)...  onto the plane... locating our seats and buckling the girls in...  what will that feel like?...  This will be their first time in an airport...on a plane... how will that feel to them?... what will be going through their minds?....  what will be going through mine?...  Touching down on US soil... making our connecting flights...  stopping for a snack or lunch... in an airport ... in the United States... with my daughters....  flying into Presque Isle... with my kids...  getting off the plane and walking across the runway toward terminal...  what will our thoughts be... what will the girls emotions be like?..  What will their reaction be to seeing their new home... new bedroom... new toys and clothes?....   all of this seems so "unreachable"... yet, so close I can taste it... 

grateful hearts

As we look down the road of the final leg of this adoption... we are blown away at the goodness of the people that God has brought into this journey with us.

 Last Sunday we hosted another HUGE fund-raising event and it was AWESOME!  We did an Old Fashion Family "Fun"-Raiser...  horse rides, face painting, dunk tank, bouce houses, games, food and more....  so many hands went into the planning, executing, organizing, set up, clean up... we are floored by the outpouring of help/donations and assistance we received in pulling this event off.... and then the 350+ people that showed up that day...  How do you fashion a proper "thank you"?  We raised $3600.00 at this event and the donations are still coming in!!!  At some point I think you run out of descriptive words to explain how grateful and thankful and humbled you are.  I believe we are at that point! 

I think about all the generosity of people during this journey and think... this is the heritage of our girls... this generosity and giving is part of their history...  I keep a journal for them (the best I can)... to document this journey and how God unfolded this for our family....  and I can't wait for the day we can sit down and talk about each and every fund-raiser... each and every victory along the way... each and every tear fest and heartbreak...(that is part of this journey too... and God is using those times as well)...  I can't wait to share with them- face to face.... about how God formed our family together in a way that only He can!  This is not just an adoption of two orphaned girls that live in Haiti... and a couple in America that are infertile.  This is KINGDOM work... we have a huge responsibilty to share the goodness... the awesomeness... the provision....the blessings and workings of the Lord with our girls..  I pray we can do it effectively....  I pray that as we continue to walk this path and expierence all that God has for us and our family... that we can effectively share this journey with others and that God will use it to touch their hearts and expand His kingdom! 

This Momma & Pappa are weary...  tired... worn out... and ready for our kids to be home with us....  It's coming...  someday's it feels so far away, and someday's it feels close.   We are so thankful for the support system God had blessed us with...  for those that lift our arms when we don't have the energy anymore.  This picture of our family keeps us going..  The Condon Family!!!

Waiting.....

Never really been good at waiting....  When we are young... we can't WAIT to be 18...when we are freshmen in high school... we can't WAIT to be seniors.... when we are 18... we can't WAIT to be 21... when it's Monday.. we can't WAIT for it to be Friday...  when a vacation nears... we can't WAIT for the departure day to come...  when we are hungry... we can't WAIT for the waitress to come with our dinner.... we can't WAIT for Christmas... we can't WAIT for date night... we can't WAIT for the super bowl to air when our favorite team is playing... we can't stand WAITING in lines at the bank, post office or grocery store... we dislike WAITING for the light to turn green....  let's face it....  WAITING IS HARD.

  Never ever did I think... I would be waiting... for 2 1/2 years... for my daughters to come home.  This is the hardest WAIT I've ever done.  One the flip side... my God is loving and gracious and faithful... and in HIM do I trust!

 Lord... teach me what you have for me in the waiting... open my heart to receive all you have for me...remind me daily that this waiting is not for void... you have reason's that are so vast beyond my understandiing.... help me to simply trust in you.  Teach me how to pray for my children and husband as I wait...  mold me and transform me into the mother you are calling me to be as I wait...  readjust my thinking...as I wait.   Be with my daughters at they wait and help me not to forget that as I sit and wait for them... as I cry and hurt to be with them... they wait too.  They are in the middle of this crazy and emotional journey too.  Help me keep my eyes fixed on you Lord.  Thank you for my kids! Amen

I B E S R

I totally realize that those initials mean nothing to most of those we share it with... but IBESR is a huge huge step in our adoption paperwork chase and on Friday July 27th at 5:30 PM..  standing on the steps of Gov's ... our adoption agency called to inform us that we have gotten IBESR approval and are moving forward with our adoption!!!!!  I can not tell you the relief that flooded my body... Basically this department is like Social Services... they have deemed our girls adoptable and approved our huge mass of paperwork we were required to submit....  THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!

We also were informed that a handful of other families adopting from our agency also received IBESR approval...  we are in a state of rejoicing and amazement...  we are praying that this good news brings forth a massive and fast movement not only for us and our future steps... but for all the other families waiting for this part of the journey to be behind them!  Next we move to Parquet... a court/legal step that has many little steps in it... we have no idea of how long this will take, but are praying for God to move this along very very quickly for us... and for others!  Still have many hurdles and approvals to obtain... but this is BIG BIG news on the adoption front for our family and we are so grateful and excited!!!!

As we wait to bring our girls home... we continue to daily lean on God and lay this at His feet... we are human and walk in our flesh more times than not... but we know who holds this in His hands... we know the One that wants this more than us...  and we know the One who is faithful and will bring our children home!  This news has really made this journey more real in our hearts...  as we wait... things seem to become more out of our reach... and it feels so unreal at times... but this news... this hurdle being accomplished... it's coming... my family is coming together and that knowledge really puts me in a place of disbelief once again...  I can't even believe God is handing us this amazing blessing... these two most precious little girls...  I can't believe this is my life! 

I think of our future and of the day we get on a plane in Port-au-Prince, Haiti... with our kids... and fly home... I think of how Sheldine & Neffy will blend and mold into our lives here and our family... and our friends...  What a joyous day....  What a joyous life...  PHEW....  Must stop typing ...  eyes are filled with tears that God sees and holds in His hands...

The Valley

This "journey to parenthood" has been such a walk of blind faith...  full of mountain top highs and deep/dark valley lows...  Today we found out that Sheldine's BM missed her 3 scheduled USCIS appt and we have to request another appointment for her.  It really will not stall our process at this point... it's still early enough (or so we have been told) and that there is plenty of time for her to fulfill her requirement of going to the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince and completing her part of this step....  BUT... GEEZE... we were just hoping for some good news... we do not know why she missed again and I find myself trying NOT to be upset with her.  I can not even begin to imagine what her world looks like as I know very little about her.  I do not know what the "home" she lives in looks like.  I do not know what her at home family dynamic looks like.  I do not know what her health situation is like or her financial situation is like. I can neither imagine what an emotionally rollercoaster this is for her as well....  to give up a child because you can no longer provide and care for them...  I just can't imagine..... I can only assume, after seeing with my own eyes the total destruction of most of Port-au-Prince... that she has very little.   We have been assured that her missing a few times is "not a big deal"... and that Maison staff will make sure she makes it to her appointment at some point...  all this being said... I am lifting up this mom tonight to the Lord... I do not know her situation... but He does.  I pray He will bless her with clean water to drink, food to eat, medicine if needed, a roof over her head and I pray she has Jesus in her heart.  The disconnect with my children is hurting more and more...  they are growing and learning.... and needing...  and we are not with them...  my other prayer tonight is that God would quickly build that final bridge for us to bring them home... Tonight I am in a valley...  but just as much as God knows exactly where Sheldine's BM is in her life and in her heart... He knows mine too. 

Chicken Pox!

On Friday we got word that Sheldine came down with the Chicken Pox...  UGH!  We received three pictures of her sitting on the floor covered in calamine lotion...  poor poor girl!  The O said that she was "doing ok, just itchy"...  don't get me wrong, I appreciate the email and the photos.....  BUT... that does not help this Momma's heart... I want to hold her and love her through this... how I long to be the one caring for her... I want to be the one that nursed her back to health... When she grows up, and looks back on her childhood memories... she'll remember having the chicken pox... and I won't be a part of that memory.  I know God has this all planned out and His timing is perfection... but still....

This really does get harder and harder every day!

Things I've learned since trip #2 to Haiti

Back from our second trip to Haiti to spend a week with our beautiful daughters...  reflecting on the new things I've learned --  comments I feel need to be made... and just stuff to get off my heavy hearted chest

1.  The 2nd trip is harder than the 1st.
2.  I can miss someone so badly it physically hurts
3.  My capacity to love another human being goes so much deeper than I ever expected.
4.  Just because you don't share the same "family blood line" does not make you family. I knew this going in.... but it's becoming more and more evident the further into this journey we get... not just our daughters... but the amazing new friends we've met...  they are my family!
5.  I am scared of lizards and my girls think it's funny.
6.  doing laundry can make you cry... washing the girls laundry after coming home has been BRUTAL!
7.  Everyone at Maison... from the kids~nannies~Miss Angie~staff... they are a family!!!
8.  Sheldine loves Coke from Haiti... and Papa loves to give it to her at 8pm at night!  With a chaser of M&M's... NO PAPA!
9.  Neffy is the coolest kid I've ever met.
10.  Kelly Chambley is AWESOME!
11.  Tessa Kanz is my new BFF and her sister Grace is a talented seamstress and Ian is a sweetie pie.  Their parents are pretty awesome too! 
12.  The families, friends & kids we spent the week with on the May Bonding Trip are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the joy, blessing and honor of meeting... 
13. Traveling to Haiti is an extreme adventure... not to be entered into lightly... and I'm so proud of my Mom for braving the journey and coming out a ROCK STAR!!!  Love you mom
14.  My sister Tania has such a servants heart and it was amazing to see how God used her during our time in Haiti...to love on Sheldine & Neffy's "family".
15.  Liz Andretta is truely gifted... Thank you my friend!
16.  My Darren is head - over- heels in love with his daughters... watching him with them spark a deeper and new found love in my heart for my husband.
17.  Sheldine might be a quiet and reserved little girl.. but we shall not let that fool us... she is a goof ball!!!
18.  you can never have too many photo's of your kids!
19.  Pepto-Bismol in the airport is EXPENSIVE!
20.  Next trip to Haiti...  can not come soon enough!

This Mamma is missing her girls more than she can describe...  it's an ache and longing that I've never felt before... one day at a time... someday the Lord will bring this full circle for us and we will celebrate at all the wonders of His hand!

News from the adoption front!

We are 25 sleeps away from stepping back on a plane and flying to Haiti to see our girls and we could not be more excited.  We have 6 1/2 wonderful days to play, snuggle, bond and love on our daughters!  My mom, sister and our dear friend Liz are all going with us this trip and that adds a special excitment!  We are in the shopping and packing process!  I am loving buying new clothes for my girls to take with us...  this is the most amazing gift I've ever been given~  I love being their Mom. 

On April 10, 2012 our Dossier was presented and accepted into IBESR-(Haiti Social Service Dept).  This step for us is HUGE and should take no more than two months, if they stay true to their word.  We have many steps after this one, but it's progress at this point~ we will take what we can get!  We still have no idea when we will be making that final trip to Haiti to pick up our daughters and bring them home...  but we know God's timing is still perfect...  so we wait!

On Sunday April 22, 2012~ Darren was given the awesome opportunity to share his testimony (our testimony) about our adoption with the congretation at the Celebration Center in Fort Fairfield.  What an amazingly beautiful testimony my husband gave.  I could not have been more proud of him.  It was such a God thing for Darren to do this... you see, public speaking is NOT his comfort zone.  This sharing of our adoption story/journey was simply direct obedience to what the Lord had placed on Darren's heart.  The congretation at CC embraced us in such a special way and made us feel so welcome and supported.  They prayed over us and took up a love offering- that totaled a staggering amount that still has us in awe.  God does things like that though...  He gives and goes beyond ...... 

News from Angie the missionary at Maison today...  Neffy is struggling with boundaries in school and Angie is asking us to be praying for her.  Sheldine is doing great in pre-k.  I guess this is the beginning of worrying about our kids....  extra prayers...  wanting to make things better for them...  It's so hard to be so far away from her...  maybe she just needs her Mamma & Pappa.

The Wait.....

We are about 40 day's until our next trip to see our girls... it's been almost 2 months since we've seen them... and the grief, pain, loneliness and sadness has not gotten any better... only worse...

This morning on my way to work, I was talking to God and all but begged Him to move... to show us something...to give us something... And like the good and loving Father He is, good news came through today. We received news this afternoon that have entered IBESR....(and on Grammy Joanie's Birthday!) This is a huge step in the whole process in Haiti and we are thrilled! Celebration tonight included Subway and Fox Family Chips!!! What a good feeling I have in my heart...one of hope and joy... I am rejoicing tonight that we are one step closer to bringing our daughters home!

My Haiti Babies.....

The numbness and sadness has not gotten better... if anything, it's gotten worse... I miss my daughters so much it physically hurts... I can't wait to hug them again... HURRY UP MAY!!!

My Haiti Memories

I've not been able to really post since we've come home from Haiti late Sat. night... I never expected the emotions to be so strong and raw... and the hurt to be so severe. It's through tears that I write this new post... I miss my girls!

We left our two beautiful daughters last thursday after only having about 2 1/2 days with them.. not nearly long enough. Walking out of Maison that day was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I finally "feel" like a Mamma... and a Mamma shouldn't have to leave her kids like I had to... Praying for strength and an increased trust in God's timing... This Mamma is excited but hurting... exhausted and weepy... prayer-filled and rejoicing... trusting and longing...


The things I've learned from our trip to Haiti.

1. I love my husband more than I even knew I did.
2. My husband is a wonderful father.
3. My girls have the most beautiful chocolate skin~the sweetest personalities~are so smart and silly~can eat as much as their Pappa ... and have some spunk in them!
4. Haiti is far more devestated than I expected and the people are so amazing.
5. Those in Haiti that are believers in Jesus Christ are so beautiful and faith-filled and supportive and loving.
6. I love Rice & Beans with Creole sauce.
7. I really can drink warm water if I have to.
8. God can give you the strength to walk through anything He calls you to walk through... I would not be functioning right now without the Lord and all the prayer cover.
9. Our family, church family and friends are simply the most amazing, supportive, loving, caring, devoted and generous people ... I knew this before we left... but it's taken on a whole new meaning since returning to the states.
10. I can be scared into a state of ferverent prayer by an airline flight! Miami to Boston last Friday was AWFUL!
11. The US Embassy grounds- with uniformed and armed officers can be a bit intimidating...and Haitian Court does not look like anything I expected!
12. Maison Staff works hard on our behalf and takes great pride in hosting the families when the come in!
12. Nephtalie is silly and sassy... comical and motherly
13. Sheldine is quiet and reserved... has a silly side and the best belly laugh!!!

Highpoints of our week
1. Obviously ... meeting our girls for the first time... when we were waiting on the porch at Maison for them to come out... I looked up and these two most amazing little girls (dressed alike) walked out with Angie the missionary... I lost it... to acutally touch and hold them for the first time turned this journey from dream to reality...
2. Taking the girls back to the hotel for the 2 1/2 day's we had was overwhelming. It was great to just be a family. To do regular "Mamma/Pappa and family" things... sponge baths, breakfast, potty breaks, reading stories, nap time, play time, bed time, prayer time.... the list goes on and on...
3. Meeting the other families that were also visiting their kids that week... we have made some life long friends... more than just friends... we are family... I love how God brings people into your life...
4. Meeting Suefreun~ our body guard... He was with us wherever we went, and I never felt unsafe... '
5. Walking around the orphange and seeing how little they have and how joyfilled they are. The Nannies are amazing... the staff is amazing... and Angie is amazing... these people love our kids and take such good care of them!
6. Driving around PAP, Haiti was not a "highpoint" in the sence that you would normally call it a "highpoint"... it was heartbreaking to see how these people are living... to see how very little they have... Darren's comment while taking our driving tour of PAP was, "we have nothing to complain about"... so true... we have so much
7. Being able to facebook video chat with some friends and family while in Haiti... and having them see the girls for the first time was so fun and memorable.
8. Hearing.... "I love you Mamma".... melts my heart just to think of those sweet sweet voices... calling me Mamma... expressing their love...
9. Walking into the orphanage...before we even met the girls... having the kids point to me and say.. "Mamma Sheldine, Mamma Nephtalie".. these kids know who I am... know who my girls are... and are excited for us... that is amazing... even at a young age, they recognize the forming of families...
10. While piling in the van to head to the airport on Friday... one of the hotel workers named Christian, walked up to the open door of the van... with his hands lifted high in praise... prayed over us and for us (in Creole) for about 3 minutes... it was so beautiful... he said his "amen" and then shook each one of our hands...
11. My first attempt at "time out" with Sheldine had her laughing at me... guess we have much to work on when they get home! My silly little rebel.

I will never forget that first moment of seeing my girls walking toward me... matching outfits that the Nanny's had chosen for them... all sparkling clean and smelling so fresh and pretty... hair done just right... The nanny's take great pride in preparing your children for you... and they did a remarkable job... our girls were stunning!!!!!!

My heart aches...my arms ache... my eyes burn... I miss my girls

2 More Sleeps

Sleep does not come easliy these day's... I took today off, but was wide awake at 4am! I might be a tad bit excited about our upcoming trip to Haiti! Two more day's to complete the MASS amount of details/packing/paperwork/organizing that needs to be done for this journey.... excitement is setting in this morning in a new way!

I can't wait to hold my daughters for the first time... I can't wait to see my husband with his daughters... what an overwhelming blessing and gift. I've been thinking about what a huge responsibility this is... God is handing us these two precious little girls... to take care of, teach, love, support, encourage, protect and guide. So amazing

8 More Sleeps

In my stressed out, overwhelmed, stretched too thin state... I am so excited that in a mere 8 more sleeps, we will be stepping onto a plane to begin the journey of our very first trip to Haiti and the more amazing journey of meeting our 2 daughters for the very first time... so surreal!

I can't wait to meet the staff at Maison... the other families traveling...I can't wait to meet all the children at Maison and have lunch at the Creche'.... I can't wait to meet some of the people in Haiti and take in everything we can about this country... the good and the bad... this is the homeland and culture that our daughters come from... this trip is BIG!

31 Day's!

We only have 31 Day's to wait until we get to meet our girls for the very first time!!!! We are excited beyond words!!!!! With every photo we get, these two precious girls are cemented deeper and deeper into our hearts!!!!

43 Day's and counting!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!

The last few weeks have been so hard for this adopting mommy... but in the gracious and amazing way our heavenly Father works... our prayers have been answered!!!! On Friday 1/6/12 we received an email from CAN's telling us we have been cleared to travel and we are scheduled for the Feb 20-24th Family Bonding Trip to HAITI!!!! We are going to meet our girls!!!! We are just so overwhelmed it's really hard to put into words...

I have mutiple lists going already.. frantically searching for plane tickets... dreaming of meeting our girls for the first time... this is ~ AMAZING!

We will have two appointment on our first trip as well. One to the Haitian Court where we will simply sign a "notebook"...(have no idea what this is really about, just know it's a step we must do) The second will be to the US Embassy where we will be "sworn in" and under oath answer questions... again... no idea what this really means or what it's for... but we'll just do what they say we must do to get to our goal of bringing our two beautiful daughters home! We do not know after this trip how long it will be for everything to be finalized... God knows though and we rest in that!

We will get to meet other families that are adopting from the same orphanage and we are so excited for that... to meet their children and being forming life long friendships with families going through EXACTLY what we are going through. I love how God brings people into your life ... for such a time as this!

Our prayer request is for the provision to pay for the trip and next adoption payments as well as for our hearts... it's hard not to think of the day we have to leave Haiti and come home without our girls this time... I can't imagine what that will be like... but we choose to rejoice... God has a plan and He is unfolding it before our eyes.... He is our comfort and our strength... He is our provider!