New Mommy Anxiety

As we close in on this final leg of our adoption journey, I find myself a little anxious abut that change in our lives.  We will officially be the sole caregivers for these two amazing little Haitian beauties.  We will officially be a mommy & daddy... we have waited for so long for this day,  and to see it approaching on the horizon brings a new flood of fears, worries, anxieties and emotions. 

This journey has been such a horribly beautiful- raw and emotional- painful and over the top joyful journey that I wouldn't change.... and it's all about to turn around and become a reality that I sure hope we are ready for.   In our hearts- we are ready... In our home- we are ready...  We have talked and talked... asked and asked... read and researched.... to the best of our ability, we are ready.... right?...  (insert a small amount of anxiousness here).  We have such an amazing supportive family and group of friends.... such a circle of love around us ... and with God at the center of our family, I know we will overcome...  right?... (insert another bit of fear and worry)... We love these girls and feel like we've always known them... but the reality is, we have spent little time with them... and them with us... (another does of anxiety here)...  will they bond quickly?... will they feel safe and secure in their new home with their forever Mommy & Daddy?... I have to believe that God - our ever faithful father is working that out for us, even now... right?  And then there is the worry about their health coming home... their eating habits... new food.. new faces... new places...  they live in an orphanage in a third world country ---  they don't see much else other than the other orphans and the staff... inside the concrete cinder block walls of Maison..... very few times in their lives have they been outside those walls.....will they be totally overwhelmed to the point of breaking?...  We know they will have times of saddness for their friends they have left beind... please God help us handle those times well... PHEW....so much to think about and fret about... and plan for ... and work out... and dream about....  My thoughts make me tired someday's.... And now the nesting has kicked in!!!!  I am organizing and sorting and cleaning out ...  won't be much time for that later when we are knee deep in princess tea parties and barbie dolls... right? 

I heard Joyce Myer make this comment this morning....  "you have everything you already need to be victorious"....  how true is that...  Does't the Word promise that we are MORE than overcomers in Christ...  and that we can do ALL things through Christ who is our strength...  and God promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us...   those are the promises that I cover these fears/worries and anxious thoughts with.... please continue to pray for us as we approach this beautiful pivotal point in our journey...  pray we will have great wisdom and make the right decisions as we transition our girls to their forever home.

The end is in sight...

Two weeks (or so) ago, we received a call from our adoption agency that our adoption decrees were done..  thereby leagally finalizing our adoption... in Haiti...  we are now moving onto the passport & visa steps to bring the girls home. ...  the question we get now... "when do you go get them?"... (which really isn't much different than the questions we were getting)--  we still have no idea when... these final steps can move quickly or they can move slowly....just like this whole entire process....  our obvious prayer is that their passports and visa's will manifest with such speed and accuracy that it will blow everyone's minds...to the glory of God.... BUT.. I was reminded last night in service that God does not use my watch or calendar in His working....  and when those documents come about... the timing will be perfect....

We have a copy of Nephtalie's adoption decree,but have not yet received Sheldine's... The absence of Sheldine's decree is causing some anxiety in both Darren and I...  we have been told it's done and there are no issues... just the simple matter that the lawyer in Haiti has not delivered a copy to the orphanage for them to scan and email it to us....  seems simple enough... but as we have learned through this whole process...NOTHING is simple in Haiti...NOTHING makes sense and it has really stretched our faith and patience...  I guess that is part of God preparing us for parenthood... 

 Seeing Neffy's name listed on that official Haitian Adoption Decree as Nephtalie Condon...  has brought on a sence of urgency to my heart... I am officially a Mom...  at the age of 42...after years and years of longing... praying.. hoping and "letting go" of the dream to have children...  I am a MOM!  All of a sudden the realness of this journey is staring me in the face... I've had to remind myself to exhale .... Very soon... Very Very Very soon... I find myself walking into their rooms... looking at their beds, with new eyes..... kneeling in the middle of their floor to pray... praying new prayers... I have known all along that God would complete the good work he began... because that is His promise to me...  but the tide has shifted...  with that one document... our world has changed...  Darren is legally a Pappa...  He has two daughters...  and I am legally a Momma...  the responsiblity of it all is heavy... real and so wonderful.....  We long to get Sheldine's decree...to see that with our eyes... but again...  this journey has been about walking by faith and not by sight!

We are hoping to have our passports by the end of the year...  we know and have been told that is a bit unrealistic and a long shot... passports are taking awhile......  BUT GOD.....  We will still pray and believe that it can and will happen...  praying and hoping...that in a couple short months... we will be booking our tickets to Haiti... to bring our girls home... 

A wave of new hope.....

As news came across my computer screen today of a family adopting from Maison that will be flying home from Haiti on Nov 18th with their precious adopted daughter... a wave of new hope washes over me.  This will be the first child to leave our orphanage since the earthquake over 2 1/2 years ago!!!  What an amazing day that will be...  I am overjoyed for my sweet new friend and her family...  rejoicing at the joy that must be filling their hearts...  praying that everything flows smoothly and seamlessly for them as they journey this final leg of the adoption process... and step into the next "season" God has for this family...  simply amazed!

 In the midst of this most amazingly difficult and beautiful journey....  I find myself dreaming of the day we step off Haitian soil with our daughters....what will that day be like?...  To be walking into the airport as a complete family of four.  To check in at the ticket counter as the Condon Family!  To walk down the tarmac hand in hand with Sheldine or Neffy... (Pappa will have to manage at least one of them!)...  onto the plane... locating our seats and buckling the girls in...  what will that feel like?...  This will be their first time in an airport...on a plane... how will that feel to them?... what will be going through their minds?....  what will be going through mine?...  Touching down on US soil... making our connecting flights...  stopping for a snack or lunch... in an airport ... in the United States... with my daughters....  flying into Presque Isle... with my kids...  getting off the plane and walking across the runway toward terminal...  what will our thoughts be... what will the girls emotions be like?..  What will their reaction be to seeing their new home... new bedroom... new toys and clothes?....   all of this seems so "unreachable"... yet, so close I can taste it... 

grateful hearts

As we look down the road of the final leg of this adoption... we are blown away at the goodness of the people that God has brought into this journey with us.

 Last Sunday we hosted another HUGE fund-raising event and it was AWESOME!  We did an Old Fashion Family "Fun"-Raiser...  horse rides, face painting, dunk tank, bouce houses, games, food and more....  so many hands went into the planning, executing, organizing, set up, clean up... we are floored by the outpouring of help/donations and assistance we received in pulling this event off.... and then the 350+ people that showed up that day...  How do you fashion a proper "thank you"?  We raised $3600.00 at this event and the donations are still coming in!!!  At some point I think you run out of descriptive words to explain how grateful and thankful and humbled you are.  I believe we are at that point! 

I think about all the generosity of people during this journey and think... this is the heritage of our girls... this generosity and giving is part of their history...  I keep a journal for them (the best I can)... to document this journey and how God unfolded this for our family....  and I can't wait for the day we can sit down and talk about each and every fund-raiser... each and every victory along the way... each and every tear fest and heartbreak...(that is part of this journey too... and God is using those times as well)...  I can't wait to share with them- face to face.... about how God formed our family together in a way that only He can!  This is not just an adoption of two orphaned girls that live in Haiti... and a couple in America that are infertile.  This is KINGDOM work... we have a huge responsibilty to share the goodness... the awesomeness... the provision....the blessings and workings of the Lord with our girls..  I pray we can do it effectively....  I pray that as we continue to walk this path and expierence all that God has for us and our family... that we can effectively share this journey with others and that God will use it to touch their hearts and expand His kingdom! 

This Momma & Pappa are weary...  tired... worn out... and ready for our kids to be home with us....  It's coming...  someday's it feels so far away, and someday's it feels close.   We are so thankful for the support system God had blessed us with...  for those that lift our arms when we don't have the energy anymore.  This picture of our family keeps us going..  The Condon Family!!!

Waiting.....

Never really been good at waiting....  When we are young... we can't WAIT to be 18...when we are freshmen in high school... we can't WAIT to be seniors.... when we are 18... we can't WAIT to be 21... when it's Monday.. we can't WAIT for it to be Friday...  when a vacation nears... we can't WAIT for the departure day to come...  when we are hungry... we can't WAIT for the waitress to come with our dinner.... we can't WAIT for Christmas... we can't WAIT for date night... we can't WAIT for the super bowl to air when our favorite team is playing... we can't stand WAITING in lines at the bank, post office or grocery store... we dislike WAITING for the light to turn green....  let's face it....  WAITING IS HARD.

  Never ever did I think... I would be waiting... for 2 1/2 years... for my daughters to come home.  This is the hardest WAIT I've ever done.  One the flip side... my God is loving and gracious and faithful... and in HIM do I trust!

 Lord... teach me what you have for me in the waiting... open my heart to receive all you have for me...remind me daily that this waiting is not for void... you have reason's that are so vast beyond my understandiing.... help me to simply trust in you.  Teach me how to pray for my children and husband as I wait...  mold me and transform me into the mother you are calling me to be as I wait...  readjust my thinking...as I wait.   Be with my daughters at they wait and help me not to forget that as I sit and wait for them... as I cry and hurt to be with them... they wait too.  They are in the middle of this crazy and emotional journey too.  Help me keep my eyes fixed on you Lord.  Thank you for my kids! Amen

I B E S R

I totally realize that those initials mean nothing to most of those we share it with... but IBESR is a huge huge step in our adoption paperwork chase and on Friday July 27th at 5:30 PM..  standing on the steps of Gov's ... our adoption agency called to inform us that we have gotten IBESR approval and are moving forward with our adoption!!!!!  I can not tell you the relief that flooded my body... Basically this department is like Social Services... they have deemed our girls adoptable and approved our huge mass of paperwork we were required to submit....  THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!

We also were informed that a handful of other families adopting from our agency also received IBESR approval...  we are in a state of rejoicing and amazement...  we are praying that this good news brings forth a massive and fast movement not only for us and our future steps... but for all the other families waiting for this part of the journey to be behind them!  Next we move to Parquet... a court/legal step that has many little steps in it... we have no idea of how long this will take, but are praying for God to move this along very very quickly for us... and for others!  Still have many hurdles and approvals to obtain... but this is BIG BIG news on the adoption front for our family and we are so grateful and excited!!!!

As we wait to bring our girls home... we continue to daily lean on God and lay this at His feet... we are human and walk in our flesh more times than not... but we know who holds this in His hands... we know the One that wants this more than us...  and we know the One who is faithful and will bring our children home!  This news has really made this journey more real in our hearts...  as we wait... things seem to become more out of our reach... and it feels so unreal at times... but this news... this hurdle being accomplished... it's coming... my family is coming together and that knowledge really puts me in a place of disbelief once again...  I can't even believe God is handing us this amazing blessing... these two most precious little girls...  I can't believe this is my life! 

I think of our future and of the day we get on a plane in Port-au-Prince, Haiti... with our kids... and fly home... I think of how Sheldine & Neffy will blend and mold into our lives here and our family... and our friends...  What a joyous day....  What a joyous life...  PHEW....  Must stop typing ...  eyes are filled with tears that God sees and holds in His hands...

The Valley

This "journey to parenthood" has been such a walk of blind faith...  full of mountain top highs and deep/dark valley lows...  Today we found out that Sheldine's BM missed her 3 scheduled USCIS appt and we have to request another appointment for her.  It really will not stall our process at this point... it's still early enough (or so we have been told) and that there is plenty of time for her to fulfill her requirement of going to the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince and completing her part of this step....  BUT... GEEZE... we were just hoping for some good news... we do not know why she missed again and I find myself trying NOT to be upset with her.  I can not even begin to imagine what her world looks like as I know very little about her.  I do not know what the "home" she lives in looks like.  I do not know what her at home family dynamic looks like.  I do not know what her health situation is like or her financial situation is like. I can neither imagine what an emotionally rollercoaster this is for her as well....  to give up a child because you can no longer provide and care for them...  I just can't imagine..... I can only assume, after seeing with my own eyes the total destruction of most of Port-au-Prince... that she has very little.   We have been assured that her missing a few times is "not a big deal"... and that Maison staff will make sure she makes it to her appointment at some point...  all this being said... I am lifting up this mom tonight to the Lord... I do not know her situation... but He does.  I pray He will bless her with clean water to drink, food to eat, medicine if needed, a roof over her head and I pray she has Jesus in her heart.  The disconnect with my children is hurting more and more...  they are growing and learning.... and needing...  and we are not with them...  my other prayer tonight is that God would quickly build that final bridge for us to bring them home... Tonight I am in a valley...  but just as much as God knows exactly where Sheldine's BM is in her life and in her heart... He knows mine too.